By Rick Tetrault

Here’s a snippet of the script of Cowboys and Aliens*.

Harrison Ford: MumblegrumblemumblegrumbleYELLgrumblemumble. (translation: I’m rich and angry)

Daniel Craig: GrumblemumblegrowlmumblegrumbleSCREAMmumblegrumble. (translation: I don’t know who I am, but I’m angry too)

Olivia Wilde: Sizzle!

Ok, so aside from the dueling growlers, Cowboys and Aliens was a fun way to kill a couple of hours on a Tuesday morning. I’d say that this review won’t have any spoilers, but to be honest there really aren’t much in the way of plot twists to spoil. Jon Favreau is obviously a fan of the Clint Eastwood school of Westerns, and hits just about every cliche:

Small town in the middle of nowhere…check.
One rich guys runs the town with an iron fist…check.
Rich guy’s son is a spoiled prick…check.
Craggy faced men who never get their teeth more than two millimeters apart when speaking…check.
Magical Indian tribe…check.
Clancy Brown as the town’s preacher and Sam Rockwell as the barkeep…che-Wait, what?!

You read right, folks. This movie has an amazing cast including two of our favorite, yet underrated actors. I’d have never recognized Clancy Brown if I didn’t see his name in the credits, but Sam Rockwell is unmistakable in his role as the town nerd forced to pick up a gun. Actually everyone does a passable job in their roles, though to be honest I doubt anyone’s acting muscles were overly strained. There isn’t too much to tell about Cowboys and Aliens. It’s a pretty standard Western about a failing town struggling under the boot heel of the one man with any money, until the amnesiac Craig shows up and suddenly flying machines start blowing the town up and capturing the inhabitants. Of course, you’ve seen the trailers, Craig has an alien superweapon stuck on his arm, and when he gets angry, he turns green and begins tearing out of his clothes…no, wait, wrong story…the thing activates and lets him blow up stuff with equal abandon. This movie is equal parts The Bourne Identity, Predator, and The Magnificent Seven, with a lot of Harrison Ford angrily chewing the shit out of the scenery. If anything in this movie surprises you then you are either twelve, or don’t get out much, but what it does it does well. The effects are mostly well done, and the dialogue, while trite, suits the film. There are lots of ‘splosions, very little gore, and only one very tame bit of nudity (sorry, boys) so this would be a good flick for the tweens, but it’s probably a bit too much for young children. To be honest you could wait for the DVD or your preferred streaming video provider of choice, but as a cheap matinee you could do far worse. I’d give it 2.5 out of 5.

*not really.