I really didn’t see this one coming, but there’s no denying that it actually happened. Suddenly every box under my TV streams video. I feel a little bit behind the times with this one because there have been streaming video products available for a long time, it’s just that now it seems everything is a streaming video player, and more importantly, that there are lots of places to get the video.

For a little while you’ve been able to put your hands on things like a PS3, or XBox 360 that had some sort of video rental service. To be fair the PS3 has always been ahead of the XBox in terms of the available video services. The PS3 has had LoveFilm and BBC iPlayer for some time. Smart TVs and higher end BluRay players have had similar functionality.

Now that functionality has expanded all over the place. With the recent dashboard update the XBox did what so many people are doing these days and added apps. You can now download the Netflix app, the LoveFilm app, the 4OD app, and the list goes on. There’s even streaming live TV from Sky.

In addition to that it isn’t just high end BluRay players that have all the streaming services any more. I just got a Sony S380 for just £89 from Amazon and that comes with pretty much everything you’ll find on a PS3 except the ability to play the games of course.

And there’s more. Today Sky announced that their Anytime+ service is now available to all Sky+HD customers. Before it was only available if you had Sky’s broadband service, but now that’s no longer necessary. On hearing that I did rush to stick an ethernet cable into the back of our Sky box but I don’t know how to make the Anytime+ thing work so I can’t tell you if it’s any good or not. I’ll write something else about it when I get it working. Perhaps the most surprising part of their announcement is that they’re going to have BBC iPlayer content available over the system.

Through all of this iPlayer is a service that is now conspicuous in its absence. We’re told that it is coming sometime this year to XBox, just as Sky say the content is coming to their system sometime this year. the fact remains that unless you’re a Sony fan (hello to that person) putting iPlayer on your TV is one of the hardest things to do. Before the BluRay player, I was doing it with a hacked AppleTV.

Ah but what of Apple? For a long time they have had a much loved but maybe undersold runner in this race. The Apple TV. The product that some people love so much, they think that there’s going to be an actual TV set made by Apple. I have just seen my Apple TV die this last week, not too upsetting as it is so old that it must have been part of the first run of the device. The current model is very small and very cheap. It streams content from your iTunes library to your television more easily than any other device on the market, although others can perform the same basic task. It will even let you rent movies from the iTunes store, which has the same basic new movie selection as the XBox, PS3 or the growing number of smarter TVs and BluRay players. It also has Netflix and YouTube functionality much like all the other streaming video players.

The Apple TV is in danger of becoming irrelevant as more and more devices replicate its functionality.  For a long time the Apple TV has been the cheapest of all the streaming video options, at £99 it is a great little device. However that simply isn’t true any more, and it does face another bigger problem. Look at that Sony BluRay player. For a start it cost me £10 less than an Apple TV would have. If I was just looking for a streaming video player then it wins on price alone. The important thing is that I didn’t buy the BluRay player as a streaming video player. I bought it as a BluRay player. That really means that I now have no reason to replace my Apple TV.

On top of that, I didn’t buy my XBox as a streaming video player either, that was bought as a gaming machine, and now it does more video than the Apple TV ever dreamed of. So with all of these devices I’ll not bother replacing the broken Apple TV. There’s just nothing that it does that need to do.

Right now we’re also lucky enough to see the start of a streaming service battle in the UK. We just got Netflix and they are aggressively standing toe to toe with LoveFilm, which is effectively Amazon’s UK based video offering. Both cost around a fiver each month and offer an impressive selection of video content, with more being added to each service all the time. At the moment I feel like Netflix has the edge on functionality, you can happily enjoy your online content through iOS and Android apps, LoveFilm don’t offer such a thing. However LoveFilm has a larger selection of content at the moment, but you’re locked to your TV or computer. Nether are perfect, and they both use Silverlight on their websites which just makes me angry.

So now we’re at the point where if you’ve got some sort of box plugged into your TV then the chances are that you can stick an internet cable into it and get yourself some streaming video. I suppose this stuff still impresses me because I remember our first VCR arriving at the house. Now I can pretty much be watching any film I can think of in the next 30 seconds. We truly do live in the future now.

Got a geek on your shopping list that you still haven’t bought a gift for?  Gotcha covered right here with a drum machine shirt, a subversive comic book collection, a bottle-opening iPhone case and serious hearing protection.

Electronic Drum Machine Shirt
I’ve always thought the music-playing shirts were a cute little novely item.  ThinkGeek has taken it to a ridiculous level with the new Drum Machine t-shirt.  This thing is no joke.  While I may not wear it in public, I can’t stop playing with it.  Not only does it have 7 drum pads that can all be played at once, it records loops, so you can layer beats and effects on unlimited tracks and can be as long as 3 minutes.  There are 9 different drum kits at your disposal, for a grand total of 63 sounds.  On a shirt.  Hidden on the underside in a pocket is the mini-amplifier that looks like a tiny Marshall stack with a headphone/audio out jack and naturally, a volume knob that goes up to 11.  The electronics all pop off the shirt easily for washing too, or if you’re like me, you prefer a plain black t-shirt and a new drum machine to play with at your desk.  Check out the video after the jump for a demo and believe that this is a steal for $29.99.

Opena iPhone Case & Bottle Opener
How has it taken this long for someone to add a bottle opener to an iPhone case?  Originally a Kickstarter project, the Opena fits your iPhone 4 or 4S with a hard plastic finish in white or black, and on the back is a slide-out metal bottle opener.  What’s great about it is that it’s solid and doesn’t feel like it’s going to break at all.  You might also think that it may be heavy, but it’s not much heavier than any other standard case.  There isn’t much more to say about this aside from the fact that I told two people about it at a party recently and they were blown away that it exists and wanted to buy it for people on their lists on first sight.  If I had an iPhone, this is the only case I’d consider.

V-Moda Faders by Ear Armor
Got a friend who is always going out to concerts or clubs, or is a DJ or musician?  These brand new earplugs (not earbuds) were designed by professional music producers and DJs for optimum fidelity while still reducing overall decibels by 12.  I DJ every weekend and tested these on a recent night.  I went with the largest of the 3 included fittings to get the snuggest fit for my ear and immediately noticed the difference between the Faders and the cheapo foam earplugs I am used to wearing.  Instead of sounding like the music was underwater, I could hear a full range of sound from lows to highs, with a nice overall softening effect.  The shape and size of the earplugs took a little getting used to, it felt like they were very noticable, even though they weren’t, and I only experienced a little discomfort toward the end of my five-hour shift.  One modification I did make was cutting the string off that runs from one to the other, presumably to keep you from losing them.  These are a great buy and a thoughtful gift for someone who can use them but probably never thought about it, especially at just $15.  Believe me, tinnitus is the anti-gift that keeps on giving.  Protect your ears, people.

Milk and Cheese: Dairy Products Gone Bad (Hardcover)
Unless you’re entrenched in the comics world, you’re probably looking at that cover and thinking, “What the…?”  Yes, it’s an anthropomorphic carton of milk and wedge of cheese.  They are angry, foul-mouthed, rude, crass, sarcastic and hilarious.  This new collection brings every one of their comics from the past 20+ years together for the first time and damn is it an awesome read.  And this is coming from a guy who is not really big into comics.  Writer & artist Evan Dorkin even has an Eisner award on his mantle for these twisted characters.  If you’re not sold yet, here’s a quote from the first page- “We’re on a moron-killing spree, and we’re out of ammo.”  Read this, and then get on  new Milk and Cheese stories coming soon in Dark Horse Presents comics.

Prank Packs are fake gift boxes featuring ridiculous, yet plausible items on the packaging, which conceal the real gift inside.  I used the Dream Griddle box you see here for a birthday gift recently and it completely worked.  In fact, with a couple of little white lies, it worked even better on someone who saw it later on who was amazed by it and was thinking about buying one for her boyfriend.  The Prank Pack became a topic of conversation for the rest of the day, not to mention a now go-to joke for who knows how long into the future.  Check out the full line of boxes at PrankPack.com for some more gems like the iDrive and iArm, to mount your iPad on your steering wheel or forearm, Snuggies for multiple people, automatic Pet Petters and motorized rolling pins.  The photos and descriptions are awesomely realistic and at the same time completely ludicrous.  You can easily convince someone they saw these on a late night infomercial.  The Dream Griddle’s fine print includes a recipe for Raspberry Pancakes in Bed that tells you to set the Dream Griddle to the ‘Pancakes/Keilbasa’ setting and also boasts an included sleep mask and plug for its sister product, the Dream Fryer, a bedside alarm clock/deep fryer.  Definitely recommended to get some laughs at your next holiday or birthday party, and especially great for those awful office Secret Santas.  The only catch is you may want to get the box back after the fun is over, as the Prank Packs will set you back $8 each or 3 for $20 on the website. Prank Packs are also available at Bed, Bath & Beyond stores.

It’s easily forgotten now, but when the BBC announced that Doctor Who was returning to our television screens after an absence of 16 years, the general response was one of scorn and derision. It looked a clear case of bandwagon jumping as, at the time, British television had entered a habit of trying to bring once-popular shows back to the public consciousness. Programmes such as Strictly Come Dancing, Crossroads and Gladiators all made re-appearances, with varying degrees of success.

I make this point because it should be remembered just where Doctor Who stood in the minds of the public, in relation to where it stands now. After recently finishing it’s sixth re-booted series, it seems that after a pleasantly surprising welcome back into the televisual firmament, the backlash has begun. 

While we should now be used to the show being used to fill tabloid newspapers and numerous blogs, most of the rhetoric has focused on ostensibly falling ratings, complaints from viewers regarding esoteric storylines, and constant speculation over how much longer Matt Smith and Karen Gillan will stay as part of the cast. However, Smith and Gillan have both been confirmed to return for Series 7, and the alleged ratings problem constantly omits the people who watch on “catch-up” formats, such as Sky+ or BBC iPlayer.

As far as the storylines go, many parents have complained that showrunner Steven Moffat has neglected the tried and trusted trope of the “monster of the week”, bemoaning his long story-arcs, which apparently make the show difficult to absorb. It seems that Doctor Who is no place for a casual viewer.

I find this absurd to the point of being hilarious. First, while parents have lamented that the last series was tricky to comprehend, it seemed to work just fine for children –  at least, the children who were regular viewers. And has the world of television serials changed so much that writers now have to cater to the tastes of people who may not even watch your show? Should Moffat alter his ideas because a family of five in Uttoxeter who missed the first four episodes, and are only bothering to watch now because it’s raining outside, might not grasp every minute detail of the story? The Paula Poundstone line about “This is why we can’t have nice things” seems germane here.

A general attitude of ennui is beginning to sweep Doctor Who, which is worrying. The sheen looks to have come off the Tardis, the novelty of having a slice of domestic kitsch is fast wearing off; bold adventures, a madman in a blue box, Daleks, Cybermen, and the thrumming of that phone box that can only mean one thing. Apparently Britain would rather have The Only Way Is Essex instead.

All the above complaints would be minor irritants rather than problems, if it wasn’t for the supine organisation that the BBC have now become. Bringing Doctor Who back was a bit of a wild punt from the corporation, one that many (me included) expected to fail miserably. The press ridiculed the decision and only changed their tune once they saw which way the wind of public opinion was blowing. However, the show still remains dogged by its past reputation for low-budget, ham-fisted science fiction. Russell T Davies once told a story about the market research the BBC did when they planned to revive the show. Asking people their first thoughts on hearing, “Doctor Who”, the most popular response was, “Wobbly sets”. Now Doctor Who never had any wobbly sets, but the perception of tackiness is a foul stench that still lingers. It ties in to the understated, inferiority complex in this country; “We shouldn’t be making fantastical, whimsical tales. Let’s leave all that flashy nonsense to the Americans.”

And now under a Conservative government that would be happy to end the unique way the BBC is publicly funded, every aspect of their operation is being closely monitored, especially the fiscal side of the business. Rather than risk criticism for being monetarily wasteful, the BBC have axed the spin-off show, Doctor Who Confidential as a “cost-cutting measure”. In tandem with the aforementioned Strictly Come Dancing, the BBC have regained the upper hand in the coveted Saturday night ratings battle. But while Strictly has restored the channel’s viewers, it’s Doctor Who that restored the credibility.

Yet how quickly it’s been forgotten. Not only is Confidential gone, but there is yet to be a confirmed date for Series 7. The show has been shunted around the schedules so much that it barely warrants comment anymore. Despite being one of a handful of shows that combines strong ratings with critical praise, despite it thrilling a broad generation of children (all of my sisters love the show, and there’s 7 years between the three of them), and making the BBC a shedload of money through merchandising, foreign sales, and accessional revenue streams such as the Doctor Who Experience, you still feel that the BBC are looking for a reason to ditch it back into the televisual burial plot. I’ve never wanted to be more wrong about anything, but while they continue to treat Doctor Who like a red-headed step-child, it seems a fait accompli. So carry on BBC, kill The Doctor again. You’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Last weekend I had the pleasure and the privilege to interview the fantastic Gail Simone at Montreal Comic-Con.

Gail Simone is a prolific and fan-beloved American comic book writer most known for her work on Birds of Prey, Wonder Woman, Deadpool, Secret Six, and the recent Batgirl reboot. Before she worked writing comics, Simone was a fan who became known for her online initiative Women in Refrigerators, which documented the frequent use of violence against women as plot devices for male protagonists. This website caught the attention of many people in the comics industry, and Simone was hired to work as a comics columnist. She went on to write many runs and titles for Marvel Comics, DC Comics, Wildstorm. Simone is currently writing the Batgirl title for DC Comic’s “New 52” reboot of their universe. She has been writing professionally for ten years.

In my university Creative Writing course, we were assigned to interview a professional or long-term artist about their creative process, and I immediately thought it would be incredible if I could somehow finagle a meeting with Gail, who had a table and two panels at the con. Since Gail is so talkative on twitter, I dropped her an @reply, mostly expecting her to be too busy, but I was immediately replied to with interest and before I knew it I had an interview scheduled with one of my favorite comic book writers. Despite a few obstacles (such as two-hour convention entry lineups) I was able to meet her at her table in Artists’ Alley and we had a lovely chat, interspersed by other fans of hers. It was a wonderful experience.

Being a comic book writer wasn’t your initial career. How has creativity been an ongoing thread in your life? The relationship between art and income is always unpredictable, talk about your battle between creativity and needing to make a living?

“I was a hairdresser. Before that, I was and still am to this day, a big comic reader and fan. I did want to be a writer when I was a kid, but my family convinced me that there was absolutely no way I would ever earn a living as a writer, so I never pursued it. I needed to earn a living to support myself, so I decided to go to beauty school; it was at least something creative, and I thought it would be interesting, which it was, I did enjoy doing it. But I came to a point in my life where I just felt like something was missing; I needed more, I had some frustrations, and it was suggested to me that I do something other than hair that was creative. So I sat down and thought, ‘What can I do? I can’t draw, I can’t sculpt, and I can’t sing …’ and I finally thought, ‘Well, I used to write, I want to try that again.’

“First of all, I started with the Women in Refrigerators. I noticed that on the internet companies were asking why they didn’t have more of a female readership, and I started thinking about that and about how I felt as a female reader and what the trends had been. A lot of female characters had been de-powered, chopped up, put in refrigerators, murdered, solely for the purpose of the male character being able to have his revenge story. And it was happening a lot. So I just posed the question, could this be the reason we don’t have a very large female readership? Other people in the community and industry started contributing; I never really wrote much on the subject, I just posed the question, and it just turned into a big site that did its job, I think.

“I wasn’t writing comics at the time, just goofing around with these little parody pieces about comics and pop culture, which led to a weekly column, and I’m surprised they even let me into the comics industry after that column. I really lampooned a lot of people and characters and styles. Eventually, that led to me being asked to write Simpsons Comics.

“I still had my salon, and I still didn’t feel like writer. I think it’s only been in the last three years that I actually said, “I’m a professional writer!” As I got more writing assignments I’d cut back a day in the salon, and I’d cut back another day, and eventually I was on the phone so much with editors and they offered me to go to conventions and DC offered me an exclusive contract so I sold the salon and went fulltime writing, because I wasn’t scared anymore about the insecurity about [the job] and I lost the stuff in my head about my family saying I’d never make a living out of it. It wasn’t until I was offered money that I finally told my husband that what I was doing on the computer at night was writing. And I still think about it today, ‘wow, I’m making a living writing. I’m living my dream. Can’t believe it!’

Do you have a usual process that you can describe step by step? Do you work according to a schedule, or in sudden bursts of inspiration?

“The process is a little chaotic – I don’t have working hours per se, but I do work all the time, whether it’s thinking or actually in the office… It takes me about a week at least to think about what I’m going to write in an issue of a comic book, planning and thinking, tone-wise, what characters are going to be in there and how the story’s going to go, before I ever sit down to write it.”

How far in advance do you write and plan?

“As an industry, we try to have six issues planned ahead, about six to eight months. The script won’t be complete but we try to have a basic plot.”

How far in advance do you plan a story? When you’re taken on as a writer, do you know how long your run will be?

“In the case of Wonder Woman I think I was thinking about it for about eight months before I started actually writing, and researching and thinking about what I thought the book needed and what tone we were going to go for, and those kinds of things. So that part of the process is actually what takes me the longest.”

How do you get past a creative block?

“Usually I want to be running multiple projects so that I can work on another project if I’m stuck on one. But if that’s not the case then I’ll read a history book or something like that, because I’m almost always inspired by reading something that I can bring into the story. It gets my brain into a different place.”

What kind of environment do you prefer to work in? A quiet study? With music? Outdoors? In a café?

“When I sit down to write, I have to have complete quiet, I can’t work to music, especially if there’s words. If anybody’s talking outside my office I start typing the words that are being said. I just really get distracted and so I have to have complete silence. Even when I’m traveling – I do work a lot on the road – in the hotel rooms and such, everyone has to have their own headphones on if they’re in the room with me. I can’t do it if there’s TVs going, all that kind of stuff.”

How do deadlines affect your creative process?

“The deadline affects it in terms of I know what has to be done, and I stay up all night and do it if I was maybe stuck for a day and all of a sudden it’s due. It doesn’t affect the quality or my actual thinking processes. It’s more of a ‘this needs to be done now, so let’s get it done.’”

Do you always write alone? Do you also collaborate with other authors?

“I have [collaborated] a couple times. I really do prefer to work alone. I’m a control freak when it comes to story and writing [laughing] but I did work with John Ostrander… we have the same philosophy as far as writing goes, it’s the story first and egos don’t enter into it. I really enjoyed working with him. And now I’m collaborating with Ethan Van Sciver on different projects… we’re collaborating on Firestorm and also on a secret project that hasn’t been announced yet. And I do enjoy that, because we sit down, we go over the ideas, we go over the basic plot, and then in the one that’s not announced yet he goes to the art duties and I go to the scripting… with Firestorm he’s doing covers and art designs and things like that. It’s a really wonderful collaboration. But those are really the only two times, two people.”

How do you react to negative feedback? Positive feedback?

“I like both of them in a way – and I’ll explain that, because I feel like if you’re not getting any negative feedback then you’re probably just doing the same old thing. So a little bit of negative feedback I almost take as a compliment. But the truth about the positive feedback is it took me a really long time to be able to accept it. I had a hard time being thankful – like, ‘I don’t know if people like it, I hope they like it’, wrestling with that internally a lot.  When people would tell me how much they liked it at first, when I still had my hair salon, I didn’t feel like I was a professional writer for a while. It was a weird adjustment for me, internally. I would say I had a little more trouble getting used to the positive feedback than I did to the negative. Everyone’s entitled to their opinion, and I’m fine with that.”

Is knowing that you have enthusiastic support from fans encouraging or pressuring?

“I don’t think I felt pressure, I didn’t feel like ‘oh my gosh these people are being so complimentary now, I better not disappoint them’. I’ve always approached the writing the same way: trying to tell a really good story that will connect with people. And hopefully I will succeed. That’s always been on my mind, when I was starting and when I’m writing now. I felt a little pressure writing Wonder Woman just because the legacy has gone on for so long. After traveling around the world and seeing what Wonder Woman means to a lot of different people, particularly women in countries that don’t have equal rights… Seeing through those eyes made me realize how huge of a character she is – she’s bigger than me, of course, bigger than any writer; she’s really bigger than the company at this point, as far as what she represents. So I felt that a little bit, but I never felt pressure from the fans.”

Growing up as a reader and now as a writer, who have you learned from, who inspires you, and how?

“I’m inspired by a lot of writers inside and outside comics. Inside comics I would say Alan Moore, particularly when he was writing Swamp Thing, that really grabbed me; the George Perez Teen Titans, Elfquest, Grant Morrison’s Animal Man… In the visionary quality, I admire Steve Gerber a lot. He was a forward-thinking visionary. With Elfquest, I really loved the character interactions, and how she got into the culture of the elves, and how they interacted with each other.”

A hallmark of your writing has been the presence of minorities that are very under-represented in comics: Female characters, LGBTQ characters, disabled characters, etc. What kind of research or preparation do you do before staring a new project?

“I research heavily… it is all going to depend on the type of project I’m doing. I did a lot of research on world prisons when I was writing Secret Six… when I wrote the Agent X Deadpool issue I did a lot of studying on King Ludwig II, and I’ve done a lot of studying on people with disabilities. Right now I do a lot of studying of psychology to try to get into the heads of these characters – heroes and villains.”

What is your creative relationship with the artists who draw the comics you write? How much input do you have in each other’s work? How does what you write get translated into panels and speech bubbles? How much description do you give to background characters/locations and how much is the artist responsible for?

“I’ve read comics since I was a young girl, so I was familiar with comic art. But of course I didn’t write comics. I’ve learned a lot about that process since I started writing, in terms of how to best communicate with an artist, to get them to understand the story and what we’re trying to get through, understand coloring notes, and to get the letterer to understand if there’s a different weird font. I’ve learned those technical things a bit at a time. I write in full script, and give information on new characters to the artist so they can start right away trying to design the character. I write in a ‘Page 1, panel 1, this is what happens, page 1, panel 2, this is what happens’ structure. A 20-22-page comic is about 48-50 pages of script, so there’s a lot of description. I’ve learned to put special notes to the colorists up front, because they don’t always read the script. I always want the artist to feel free to do what he or she thinks gets the story across in the best way visually, because that’s his or her expertise and talents, so I leave that to them. Working directly with an artist like Ethan Van Sciver it’s much more of a collaboration, we do a lot of talking upfront about what we’re doing, where we’re going, plotting, ideas, scope of the story. Then we go to our separate corners and I script and he does the art.”

What has been your most challenging project, and how?
“I think I would say that Wonder Woman has been the most challenging project, because, as I said earlier, the legacy of her character, what she means to people of all ages and sexes and sexual orientations, people from all over the world. It really was tough, and also to figure out how to keep the things that people responded to in the first place when she was created, but to update her enough for a current audience in terms of what we believe is a strong woman nowadays, compared to the 30s when she was created. Bringing out the tone and trying not to make her too precious or too much up on a pedestal. I really loved working on her character. She was the most challenging and most rewarding.”

Since you started out as a voice in the fan community it’s awesome to see that you still have an active presence among fans. How does your online interaction with the fan community online and at conventions affect what you write?

“[Connecting with the fan community] doesn’t affect how I write. Some people probably may assume that if I asked a question about, say, who’s your favorite Bat character, I might be fishing for ideas, but I’m really not. It’s questions as a fan. It affects the way I communicate with people as a fan and a comic reader myself, joking around and finding out what people have to say, but it does not affect the actual storytelling or writing at all.

“What’s great about conventions – all my work is done in a little lonely office, and with a computer, no human contact whatsoever. So when you go out to the conventions, you get to see how people respond and reacted to your stories. And you see it a little bit on the internet, but it’s different in person, how it touched them, what made them angry…”

How does writing for a pre-existing character/universe affect your writing process? How much of other in-universe storylines do you have to be aware of when you’re writing? Are you given any guidelines by DC or Marvel when you’re writing for them? How much do you work with canon or add to it?

“I like the big events, and in the industry it’s just a matter of time when it’s going to happen. They can derail plans, which is why I started creating characters, because if I create it, they don’t know it’s there yet, and they can’t change it. But I like being part of the larger universe. The hardest thing is when you’re in the middle of something and they want you to do something that ties in, you’ve got to figure out how to make it all work together. It’s like solving a 3000-piece puzzle in one week. It’s about making it fit together as a cohesive story so that when the reader reads it, they don’t know that this was thrown in in the middle, and it seems organic.

“Sometimes I want to use characters and I can’t because they’re being used elsewhere at that time.

“I’ve never been told not to write gay characters. I’ve never been told to take them out or make them straight. I don’t always say that they’re going to be gay in my pitch, because I don’t want them to shut the doors down before they get to know the character. There have been numerous gay characters that have not been done properly, and the company doesn’t want that, so if you say you’re going to write a gay character they might get ideas about avoiding being offensive before they know what you’re going to do.”

What has been the highest compliment paid to your work?

“That people care about the characters I write. As a writer, it’s a form of communication with other people, and if they’re just not getting it and don’t care, that’s one thing, but to have someone tell me that they’re having a really crappy day and they read a comic I wrote and they started laughing and decided they really didn’t care about whatever was upsetting them, that’s amazing to hear. Or someone say that my Wonder Woman book helped them get out of an abusive relationship. Or that they were afraid to try writing or drawing comics but that I inspired them. ­­I think a lot of that comes with my honesty as a writer, and having been a hairdresser for a number of years I met a lot of people and got to know them… clients dealing with illness and death and birth and marriage and divorce… I got to know people closely, and it’s helped me get the deeper characterizations and try to be in touch with people on a deeper level rather than just plot.

Which existing characters would you most like to write?

“The first thing that popped into my head was Deadpool. I’ve written Deadpool, and I love writing Deadpool. I’d definitely do it again. If I had to pick a character I’ve never written, I’d make some overlooked female characters deeper and more fleshed out and interesting. Kitty Pryde, Storm, Black Widow.”

Who is your favorite character, and what attracts you so much to them?

“Black Canary. I think she’s beautiful and her design is beautiful. I’ve always liked that abut her. Growing up I was extremely shy and I loved the fact that Black Canary, at least when I was writing her, she always wore her heart on her sleeve, she wasn’t shy at all, she would go out and kick butt, and she had a certain wit about her. I find her a really fun character to write. I always felt that in the DC universe that after Wonder Woman she should be the #2 character and I felt that she never got a fair shot at that, and I couldn’t understand why, so the more I wrote her and the more I got to know her as a character, the more she got a fully-fledged persona, the more I fell in love with her.”

What are the similarities and differences between writing for an original project and a serial?

“Everything I write, my approach is similar in that I develop a character from ground up. In my mind, I know the details about their life, I know their past, so I know how they’re going to react to different situations. Most of my time is spent building a character and the tone and attitude of the book. I loved writing it because I could really let myself go – with the DC stuff it has to be all ages and appropriate.”

How do you define creativity, or a creative person?

“I believe that a creative person thinks individually, they don’t take what they’re told as law. They’re gong to creatively solve problems, they’re creative in that way as well, not just art or storytelling. I believe that most creative people are great observers; you need that toolbox of observing the world and people to be able to know how to communicate with them, even if you’re doing something complete bizarre that’s not on this earth, you still have to have something [for readers] to grab onto. I believe that they come up with new ways to come up with things and look at thing and tell stories, constantly coming up with something new. Most people I feel are creative are not stagnant.

Thank you so much for your time, Gail!

– Ari

Sugar Lake, Wright County, Minnesota

By Tony Pucci (host of the Pollyanna Cowgirl Records Podcast)

The air had ceased moving. It hung like a weight around the afternoon’s shoulders, a viscous syrup to be swum through. The sun brushed the ground with a transparent honey, and flies buzzed lazily, if they buzzed at all. The grass stank with a humid sweat as I raced across our cabin’s backyard. I was ecstatic; my grandmother had just given me two dollars to spend at “The Resort”!

My pace then slowed as I stepped onto the dirt road that roller-coasted behind the row of cabins. Typical of any kid during summer, I wasn’t wearing any shoes, and the road had many rocks anxious to become acquainted with the soles of my feet. I kept my stride between the edges of one of the two strips of smooth, worn-down tracks made by years of cars passing through. Filtered by a canopy of trees, rays of sunlight dappled the ground, seemingly dancing with the stream of dark, pungent motor oil spots which had dripped off the boats being charioted on trailers to and from the lakeshore. My excitement grew as I passed the familiar fish-shaped signs, each with a name on it marking another family’s driveway and cabin; they told me I was getting closer.

The road now veered left and entered the sunlight at the same time. A row of rusty mailboxes stood to my left while a white fence bordered me on the right. Up ahead I saw the Sugar Lake Resort, a peeling green shack that the locals called “The Resort”. I walked up its weathered concrete steps and opened the screen door. As I entered, to my left I saw an old jukebox in the corner of the dance floor; to my right was the bar along with a collection of tables. Next, I went over to the bar and bought a Slim Jim, getting my change in quarters. I knew these snacks had likely been sitting on the shelf for as long as I had been alive, but I didn’t care; I had a higher purpose. Turning my attention to the main reason I had come here, I now went into a small room to the right of the bar. Before me stood one of the most beautiful sights my ten-year-old eyes had ever seen: two ancient pinball machines, a pool table, and a foosball game.

Eagerly, I half-ran over to a pinball machine called “Solar City”, almost as if someone might get to it before me, even though I was the only person in the room. As usual, the machine was not turned on, but years of hanging out up here during the summer had taught me where the on/off switch was. I got down on my hands and knees and crawled underneath the game, running my fingers along its inside right edge until I found a small hole at the back of the machine. Reaching up inside the hole with my index finger, I felt a mixture of satisfaction and excitement as I heard the familiar bells, pops, and the spinning “click-click-click” of the counter resetting itself as I turned the machine on.
I crawled out from underneath the machine and fed it my first quarter. The game sang to me a percussive “duh-duh” in order to tell me that it too was ready to play. After the steel pinball had slid into the starting gate, I pulled back on the spring-tensioned pin and sent it shooting onto the field of play. As the ball struck the initial bumper and flashing lights and ringing bells announced my first points, I mentally shouted an intense “yes!” I was in heaven.

I spent the next hour working my way through my supply of quarters and taking tiny nibbles out of my Slim Jim, slowly savoring its flavor. It was a memorable if not a monumental afternoon. At a time when a child is supposed to be free from worry, it was exactly as it should be.

The road behind my parent's cabin...

This article was written by Jakob Rehlinger of the Nerd Hurdles podcast. It was originally published at nerdhurdles.com.

For years people have cocked an eyebrow whenever I’ve said, usually at parties, that I think Empire Stikes Back is not only the worst film in the Original Trilogy, but it’s not even a very good movie. My opinion is normally dismissed out of hand as the ravings of a drunken madman looking for a fight. Their assessment of my state of being might have been accurate, but I maintain my argument stands. I will now, soberly, lay out why I think Empire is not very good.

And by “not very good”, I mean actually kind of sucks gundark poodoo.

My argument is based on two suppositions:

A) Star Wars (aka A New Hope) is a perfectly told story and, for the time it was made at least, perfectly executed.

B) The Empire Strikes Back is not only considered the best Star Wars movie, but widely considered the best sci-fi movie ever made.

My argument is further broken down in the following three points:

1. An unfocussed story.

Unlike A New Hope—which has an A-to-Z plot that’s streamlined as an X-34 landspeeder—Empire Strikes Back meanders around the alphabet without any real direction. After a bunch of throw-away sequences (like the pointless asteroid belt chase), it eventually ends up somewhere in the middle of a story, around the letter M with Han Solo frozen in carbonite, instead of at Z with the defeat of the Empire.

Or at least it should have ended with a definitive event that provides some open-ended closure, whetting the palate for a sequel while being a fulfilling episode in itself. Instead you are left hanging with one of the most frustratingly anti-climactic cliffhangers in cinema history.

Which means—

2. The film doesn’t stand alone.

Anyone who’s hasn’t seen the first film will be able to follow the basic plot just fine. But at some point they’re going to need someone to explain to them exactly who the random ghost in the tundra is and just what the Empire is all about.

The usual argument against this is “But it’s the second part in a trilogy, you can’t expect it to stand on its own.” And I would accept this argument if the assertion being made merely was that Empire is an excellent sequel. But I don’t accept this reasoning when the argument being put forth is that Empire is one of the best science fiction films ever made or even that it’s the best Star Wars movie. It would absolutely need to be able to stand on its own in order to claim either of those titles.

Too many unnecessary questions are raised by Empire. Mainly, “What’s so bad about the Empire anyway?” Taken on its own A New Hope, even in point form, does a much better job of giving you a sense of  how the Empire affects the lives of your average galactic citizen and what the Rebels are fighting against.

On Tatooine there’s a subtext that—even on a planet at the far reaches of the galaxy which no imperial bean counter should even care about—the inhabitants feel an oppressive domination.

On the Death Star, Grand Moff Tarkin describes how the last vestiges of a token democracy have been dismantled and in Leia’s holographic plea to Obi-Wan you get the sense of what’s at stake.

A New Hope excels because it is a story bolstered by a rich, cleverly constructed subtext. Empire is entirely lacking in this use of subtext, instead relying on either the audience’s prior knowledge of the story or their willingness to just go along with the action.

“Oh there’s some good guys who are good but we don’t know what makes them good and some bad guys that are bad, supposedly, and they’re at war for some reason. Okay, got it.”

Yes, it’s easy to understand there’s a war being waged and maybe that’s all you need to be able to follow the story. But with a great film you do more then just follow the story. You feel the story. The audience is in the middle of a galactic war but does the audience ever feel what’s at stake?

There are no starship captains with broken necks slumped against corridor walls, no charred skeletons of aunts and uncles, no needlessly slaughtered Jawas, no desperate poverty on the mean streets of a space port on a remote desert planet. As far as we know the Rebel Alliance are terrorists who’ve just bombed the Galactic Trade Center and killed thousands of civilians.

Sure, Darth Vader and the stormtroopers look spooky and the Imperial officers look like Nazis, but unless you’ve seen A New Hope you don’t know just how nasty they really are. And though it’s easy enough to accept the Rebels’ struggle, it’s harder to feel involved with it or to feel threatened by the Empire.

This results in—

3. Vague character motivations.

In A New Hope all the character motivations are crystal clear. Luke Skywalker wants adventure, Obi-Wan acts out of knightly duty, Han Solo is motivated by money (mostly due to his outstanding debt to Jabba the Hutt over dumping a shipment of smuggled goods) and Princess Leia is an idealist.

The Empire itself has built the Death Star, not because they’re inherently, cartoonishly evil, but because there’s a clear subtext they’re losing control of the galaxy and drastic measures are needed.

In Empire though everything, assuming you have not seen the first film, is a lot more vague.

For some reason Han has an unexplained bounty on his head which he inexplicably needs to clear up even though he’s well-hidden on an ice planet.

Luke wants to become a Jedi, whatever that is, and there’s some guy named Ben, whoever he is, who appears to him in the snow. Is he alive? Is he a ghost? Why does Luke think this hypothermia-induced hallucination is a reasonable thing to act on? How did Luke make his laser-sword leap into his hand?

This Leia woman seems to be an important leader even though her main role is not letting Han know she fancies him. Otherwise she’s dead weight.

For some reason Darth Vader is out to get them all because, well, he wears a black hat and needs something to do. Maybe Because a few dozen troops freezing to death on an iceberg are such a threat to an entire galactic Empire.

Other than Boba Fett hunting Solo for a double-dip at the bounty, none of the characters have clear, believable, well-defined goals.

This wasn’t the case in A New Hope which is a classic quest story. The protagonists, individually and as a collective, have a goal (to destroy the Death Star) and the action of the film moves inexorably towards that end.

In Empire Luke has a goal—to find Jedi master Yoda—which he achieves in about five minutes. He has the ultimate goal of becoming a Jedi, but that happens in another film. Well, it actually happens between films and we don’t even get to see it.

Meanwhile Han and Leia are… well, what are they doing anyway? Running away, I guess. Though being chased is a classic plot device, it’s not fulfilling on a narrative level. There’s no pay off when the protagonists achieve their goal, the chase is just over. And though it is a plot device that can work in certain types of film—such as horror—epic fantasy-adventure is not one of them.

Vader actually does have a goal of sorts. He wants to find Skywalker and turn him to the dark side. Fair enough. I’m not sure it will work, but thank god someone is trying to achieve something tangible here.

So naturally he goes about this by chasing Han and Leia across the galaxy instead. Seems like a bit of a convoluted way to go about it, but what else does a fleet of Star Destroyers have to do? I mean, besides trying to wipe out that tiny rebellion they were spending untold resources trying to find who escaped in another direction entirely. Of course, pointing this out to Vader wouldn’t be a smart career move.

The whole narrative is flipped on its head. The protagonists are supposed to have goals and the antagonists are supposed to stand in their way. That is how narratives are structured. Here we have the protagonists standing in the way of the antagonists’ goals. While this switcheroo could be produce interesting results in a bleak, post- modern art film full of nuanced characters and subtle plot twists, it doesn’t work in an epic adventure tale. It is like Raiders of the Lost Ark being told from the point of view of René Belloq instead of Indiana Jones.

This is, ultimately, what The Empire Strikes Back suffers from. Instead of a central goal for the protagonists to achieve, there’s a series of situations they’re forced to deal with. While heroes need stumbling blocks placed in their path to make their quest interesting, the audience needs a clear idea of what they’re trying to accomplish—even if they don’t achieve their goal.

I have no problem with Empire having a tragic ending where the bad guys win. But the bad guys don’t really even win here. At best they’ve just been a pain in the protagonists’ necks. Vader doesn’t turn Luke to the Dark Side or crush the rebellion, the rebels don’t do anything but run around and get their asses handed to them. The only character who actually achieves anything is Boba Fett and he is, at best, a peripheral player.

Ultimately, this loops back to point #1 that the story is unfocussed. The overarching lack of focus in the film is a direct result of the foggy character motivations. The “most frustratingly anti-climactic cliffhanger in cinema history” wouldn’t have been if Han Solo’s capture had any real significance to a greater story.

Obviously, he’s a charming rogue the audience loves and seeing him frozen in carbonite is a bummer. But, as far as we can tell, this has no bearing on a rebellion he didn’t really seem to want to have anything to do with. Removing Solo from the fight doesn’t really gain the Empire anything. What the Han Solo cliffhanger actually achieves on a narrative level is detracting from the impact of Vader’s revelation that he’s Luke’s father.

An actually riveting cliffhanger would have been Luke being captured by Vader or, more chilling, Luke choosing to go with him. That would have been a real No way! What’s going to happen next? scenario. Instead Lando tells us exactly what the audience has already figured out is going to happen next, “Princess, we’ll find Han. I promise.”

Though not actually a terrible film, what I’ve tried to argue here is that Empire Strikes Back isn’t close to deserving the reputation it holds. The bottom line is it doesn’t achieve what it sets out to do—to continue the stories of existing characters in a compelling way; to give them more depth and enrich the universe they inhabit; and do it by telling a satisfying story.

From the standpoint of achieving what it sets out to do, A New Hope is entirely successful and even Return of the Jedi does a better job. At least Jedi makes no bones about being a simple adventure for children. Empire‘s attempts at paternal Greek tragedy and exciting matinee adventure story both fall short of the goal. The lead-up to the Luke’s story’s famous pay-off is clumsy at best while Han and Leia’s flight from the Imperial Fleet is frankly boring.

Every time I watch Empire, I find I’m rooting for Boba Fett (When a glorified action figure with four short  lines and about 2 minutes total screen time is your most popular character, you know your film has problems).

Now for some detailed nit-picking.

Hoth:

Was a frozen wasteland really the only (barely) habitable planet the rebellion could find to hide out in. In an entire galaxy, there had to be some other distance rock they could have picked. One that wasn’t -40 all the time.

The Wampa is ridiculous. Why does it glue its prey to the ceiling of its cave? Why wouldn’t it devour Luke instantly? I guess it had a Tauntaunto eat first. But it’s still a little absurd to believe he was saving Luke for a late afternoon snack. More importantly, when it swipes Luke off his Tauntaun, there’s never been a monster arm that’s more obviously just a bunch of fun fur glued to a broom handle. Some of the effects in this movie are shameful.But more importantly, why is the Wampa sequence even in the story? The only purpose it serves is to explain the changes in Mark Hamill‘s face due to an auto accident.

If the story is true, and there’s some debate about the veracity of this, the trick doesn’t work.  Han should’ve at least said, “That monster really rearranged your face, huh kid?” But even if it is true, then the whole sequence is far too obviously hamfisted into the story anyway. They’d have been better off to just pretend Luke didn’t suddenly look radically different instead of letting it dictate the plot. So ultimately what does the whole Wampa episode achieve? It slows down the narrative. A New Hopebegins with the Star Destroyer attacking the rebel spaceship Tantive IV, likewise Empire should have begun with the attack on the rebel base right out of the gate.

But even more absurd than the Wampa are the Tauntauns. First, ignore that it makes no sense the rebels would patrol on the backs of animals and expose themselves to the elements instead of flying around in snow-speeders. And second, forgive that the Tauntaun’s body shape seems illogical for traversing the tundra (well, nature is actually pretty weird. Maybe kangaroo-goats make sense).What’s really baffling about Tauntauns is how they seem singularly ill-equipped to deal with the climate. Surely humans should freeze to death before the wooly, indigenous creatures with a hefty layer of fat? And what are Tauntauns feeding on anyway? There’s no vegetation and they’re clearly not carnivores with those stubby arms and bovine teeth.

But getting back to snow-speeders. Why do they have harpoons and tow-cables anyway? What would you ever harpoon from a moving aircraft? Wouldn’t it be a drastically bad idea to tether yourself to heavy objects in mid-flight?

Sillier still, I have always contested the “all-terrain” worthiness of the All-Terrain Armoured Transport (AT-AT)or Walkers. I think Hoth might actually be the only planet flat enough for the Empire to effectively use them. Surely they’d topple in Tatooine’s sand dunes and they’d get bogged down in Dagobah’s swamp. Not able to lift their feet very high, they’d trip on any terrain that wasn’t a tundra or a salt flat.Furthermore, assuming they get the troops transported to wherever the action is, how do the troops get down from the belly? Do they rapel? Do the AT-ATs kneel like elephants? Is there an elevator platform?Whatever the case, a much better design would have been a Sandcrawler—which actually looks like it could traverse all-terrain (might even be aquatic judging by the prow-like design of the front).

Like all the technology in A New Hope,  the Sandcrawler just makes perfect sense. Unlike the cool-looking but impractical Walkers, you really believe someone might have built it. The only question it raises is why tiny Jawas would build something so big. In which case it makes sense that it was a surplus (or stolen) Imperial troop transport.But the spindly legs aren’t the most baffling design feature about the walkers. The rebels use their speeders’ tow-cables because the armour plating is apparently too heavy for their blasters to penetrate. Well, too heavy until the tow-cables trip them and then a single shot to the head makes the whole thing blow up. Which almost makes more sense than when Luke tosses a grenade into an AT-AT’s belly and its head explodes. How the hell does that work? When it comes to the walkers, unlike the mechanics in A New Hope, logic is entirely thrown out the window.

Dagobah:

Unlike Hoth, at least Dagobah makes sense as a hide-out. It’s gloomy and made out of mud, but at least you wouldn’t be in danger of freezing to death. Though drowning looks like it might be a constant worry. But it’s still a pretty big, remote place to hide out in. So one has to question how Luke crash-landed—not only on the correct continent but— right in Yoda’s back yard.Fans will often cite The Force as having lead Luke to the exact right spot. Which is fine, except to believe that you have to make up this excuse for the film instead of the film showing this. A shot of Luke closing his eyes and “reaching out” would have been all it took. Instead he just angles his X-wing into a zero-visibility cloud bank and hopes for the best.

On a production level, Dagobah is so obviously a sound stage it’s laughable.  It might be all the dry ice that gives it away. Obviously they couldn’t shoot in an actual swamp because Frank Oz needed to be able to walk around below floor-level to manipulate the Yoda puppet.

Yoda is terrible. He’s almost forgivable from an effects standpoint but he just isn’t quite convincing enough for me to forget he’s obviously a puppet. Especially as soon as he speaks. From that second onwards all I can see is Fozzy Bear. Okay, that’s not entirely true. At times I see Miss Piggy. Either way Yoda is not just so obviously a Muppet but also so obviously Frank Oz that I’m instantly shot out of the movie like R2 being spit out of the swamp.

Worse, Yoda is a horribly racist stereotype of the inscrutable Asian martial arts master. Okay, he’s not as bad as the Trade Federation envoy in The Phantom Menace. One thing I’ll say for Empire is nothing is as bad as what’s in Phantom Menace.

Even Luke’s terrible monologues in the swamp while he’s muttering away to R2 are more naturalistic than any of the dialogue in the prequels. But not much. Cringe-inducing lines like “But I wanted to go to Toshi Station to pick up some power converters” have nothing on Hamill’s painfully dire delivery of a truly terrible script here. The famously clunky dialogue in A New Hopewas at least economical. Alec Guinness was the only actor saddled with lengthy expository speeches and, well, Hamill finally gets the chance to prove he’s no Alec Guinness.Not his fault, really. Chewbacca and R2-D2 have all the best lines in Empire.

One thing Empire supporters always cite as the film’s main strength is how it “goes darker” as if this is a get out of jail freecard. It’s not. Darker doesn’t instantly equal good. It still has to be done well.The first real instance of this new exploration of darkness is the Dark Side Cave. Which was apparently the best name they could come up with for this ominous nexus of evil power that makes Luke hallucinate a duel with Darth Vader. Apparently the Dark Side also makes everything happen in cheesy slow motion. And adds more of that dry ice atmosphere. The premise of the scene is okay, but the execution is one of the worst executed sequences in sci-fi cinema. And that includes the monorail model in Logan’s Run and all of Barbarella.

Luke’s failure in the cave is another thing. Yoda seems disappointed but if you match up his timeline with Han and Leia’s, he’s been at it for about all of two days. Maximum. No wonder he’s a crappy Jedi. After he gets a vision of his friends being tortured by Vader and he rushes off to save them, he promises Yoda he’ll return to finish his training. How about return to start his training? What is this? Father Guido Sarducci’s Five Minute University?

Cloud City:

Even before getting to Bespin, there’s problems. Namely, the space slug. How did it survive in the vacuum of space? What was it feeding on out there? Unless it eats rock, there isn’t much for it to eat in an asteroid field where, we’re told, anyone would have to “be crazy” to venture into. If you’re willing to assume the asteroid belt is the remains of the slug’s home planet and the slug somehow survived that, you’re an idiot. I’m sorry, but that’s too absurd to be believed.

Perhaps more offensive than Fu-Man Yoda is that Lando is a total space pimp. Remember, blaxploitation films were still being made right up to the end of the ’70s. More offensive still, he sports some of the worst costume design in the series. One of A New Hope‘s strongest features is how authentic the costumes look. Tarkin’s uniform, Obi-Wan’s robe, Han’s vest and Luke’s karate gi are real clothes you don’t question for a second. Go ahead and compare them to sci-fi costumes prior to 1977 where everyone looked like one of David Bowie’s worst acid trips wrapped up in tin-foil. Lando’s tight polyester slacks and gold-lined cape might fair a little better, but they look like they came out of a community theatre’s costume trunk.
Vader tests out the carbon freezing process on Han Solo to make sure it won’t kill Luke. Good idea. But why exactly would he even need to freeze Luke in carbonite? Why couldn’t he just have his stormtroopers stun him with their blasters. It worked on Leia just fine. It’s not like Luck is actually a blaster deflecting master Jedi at this point. Heck, Vader could probably just put him in a sleeper hold with his mind. The whole carbonite set-up is a needlessly complicated plan—though one that does drive the plot nicely.

Due to the over-complicated nature of the plan, Luke gets away but not before Vader tries to convince him to turn to the Dark Side of the Force. Which is all well and good except Vader wouldn’t call it the “Dark Side”. Evil people don’t actually believe they’re evil unless they’re also completely insane.

Grand Moff Tarkin was an excellent example of this kind of banal evil in A New Hope. When he blew up Alderaan it wasn’t for fun or even to be cruel, it was expedient. He’s heartless and ruthless and, for all intents and purposes, evil—but he wouldn’t see it that way. Tarkin would see himself as pragmatic, iron-willed and able to do “what needs to be done” where lesser men wouldn’t or couldn’t. Empire shies away from this real-world vision of true evil for a more digestible cartoon caricature.Vader might believe he used the Force in a different way from Obi-Wan, but he’d never think of it as the dark side. He’d call it “The Vader Method” or something more marketable. And even if he begrudgingly admitted to himself he used what Yoda and Obi-Wan called “the dark side”, he would never acknowledge that. The furthest he might go is to say Obi-Wan didn’t fully understand how the Force works. He’d never say to Luke, “Don’t underestimate the power of the dark side,” he’d simply leave it at, “Join me and we’ll rule the galaxy as father and son.”Which, really, is a much stronger argument than saying, “Come be eeeeevil. Mwah-ha-ha-ha.”
And Vader isn’t even as “evil” as he was in the first film. When he crushes Captain Antilles’ throat with his hand and tosses him into the wall, you know this is a brutal, ruthless villain. He even tortures Leia (off-screen) with a creepy black robot you feel might be some kind of rape-droid. In Empire he doesn’t kill anyone with his bare hands (well, gloved hands) and those he does kill are just his own officers whose deaths are practically comic relief anyway. This time when Han is tortured (in an absurdly complex apparatus, by the way), Vader isn’t even present to get his gloves dirty. He’s a shadow of his former self, no longer truly menacing but simply “the bad guy”.

Han/Leia Relationship:

It’s been said many times but it bears repeating: Saying “I know” when someone professes their love for you as you’re (possibly) about to be executed is a dick move.

Also a dick move is hitting on the girl you know your supposed closest (human) friend has been hot for since before you met him. The way Luke crumples in his hospital bed when Han says “She expressed her true feelings for me” should have been enough to tip him off he was stepping on some bro-toes. Maybe when he says to Luke, “That’s two you owe me” he means Leia’s breasts. Well, Luke never had a chance anyway—pointless incestuous story revisions in the next movie or not.

There’s something creepy about Han’s bedroom moves. Though the kiss in the Millennium Falcon does a pretty good job paying homage to the leading man/lady dynamics of movie classics from the ’40s, it does a little too good a job. Or the problem is inherent in paying homage to the “no means yes” psychology of those old love scenes. Here it’s not quite as bad as the rape-kiss in Bladerunner but it comes pretty close. I can’t remember if Harrison Ford pulls out the rape-kiss in Raiders of the Lost Ark too. He must. It seems to be his signature move.

Hey, nerds. Kennedy here, from the Starbase 66 podcast. You know what I like? Star Trek and comics, especially when they combine into a powerful new form, like Tuvix.

Actually, that title is a lie. Star Trek has been featured in comics since its inception. Some were good (the terribly drawn, but charming, Gold Key books) and some were beyond dull (Marvel’s take on TMP). Others were just a mess, like the years of stories DC told in its ’80s series; set after Search for Spock as the crew took command of the Excelsior, the series had to go through some weird and very, very stupid convolutions to get them to Vulcan and explain the beginning of The Voyage Home after the movie came out and took DC by surprise. “What? It’s a direct sequel? it takes place a few weeks later? Shit!”

“Let’s just forget we had all those other adventures while these Vulcans were fixing our Bird of Prey,” Kirk said.

“Okay,” McCoy replied.

“Except for the babes. I will remember the babes,” added Kirk.

There were some interesting books over the past couple of years from John Byrne that looked at unexplored corners of the Trek universe. One featured Gary Seven. Another was about the original Number One. But they didn’t last.

Now Trek is back in comic shops with a new series from IDW that will, in fact, go where no Trek comic has gone before: into the new world created by J.J. Abrams in 2009′s Star Trek movie. The creative team (led by Roberto Orci, a writer on the film) says the series will tell new adventures and “re-imaginings” of classic TOS episodes — in fact, the first arc is a new take on the second pilot, Where No Man Has Gone Before. You know, the one where everyone’s sweaters are a little off, and people’s eyes turn silver, and the captain is called James R. Kirk, and Spock smiles all the time.

This is a great opportunity to tweak all those continuity errors (I have explained this before). And I have some thoughts on how this could be done:

1. In the original, Kirk’s best friend was Gary Mitchell, who went bad after being exposed to a powerful cosmic intelligence. There has been no mention of Gary Mitchell in the reboot, so the spot could be taken over by Kirk’s actual best friend in that movie, Leonard McCoy, the Enterprise’s doctor.
2. Oh, wait — McCoy wasn’t in the original pilot. The doctor was an old wrinkled guy named Mark Piper (played by Paul Fix). So that creates a problem there.
3. Obviously, the best solution would be to have Chekov gain godlike powers and run wild, because it would be funny. “Destroy ze galaxy? I can do zat!”
4. Spock’s big grin could be explained by several scenes involving Uhura. You know what I’m talking about.
5. Meanwhile, we could have a subplot that shows us what happened to those characters left by the wayside in the new reality. We’d see Mark Piper working as a veterinarian on a Pakled zoo ship, while Ensign Lee Kelso is a golf pro on Risa. Meanwhile, without Kirk’s help, slacker Gary Mitchell never made it through the academy, and ended up as Grand Admiral Tyler Perry’s pool boy. You know what I’m talking about.

IDW launches the new series in September, with extra-cheesy photo covers.

This is my buddy, Maverick, who is totally named after Tom Cruise’s character in Top Gun and not in concordance with some dumb Alaskan politician’s ramblings.

Maverick has learned some things in the past 24 hours, as have I. We’ve learned about skunks. They are not cats, isn’t that right, buddy? Good boy. Sit.

See, this moron canine of mine decided late last night to go chasing one of our Pepe-le-Pew-type friends. He came back reeking. I spent my early morning hours dousing him with a garden hose while the wifey ran to Wal-Mart to get several quarts of hydrogen peroxide to mix with baking powder. He got several baths with the mixture before he was allowed to come inside, where he was bathed again in the tub (with an entire bottle of shampoo). He will get more baths again tonight, because he still smells faintly of death, insanity, orcs, and Star Wars prequels. It’s that bad.

In the midmath (I wish it were the aftermath), here’s some skunk trivia:

(Answers at the bottom of the page — play honestly, people!

1) What was the name of the skunk in the 1942 Disney animated classic, Bambi?

2) Skunks have incredible hearing to compensate for what subpar sense?

3) Male cats are called toms, male horses are called stallions (or geldings, depending on whether they’re neutered), and male cows are bulls. What is a male skunk called?

4) Cats have kittens, ducks have ducklings, goats have kids. What do you call a baby skunk?

5) Skunks are classified as a subfamily of what mammalian family that includes weasels, otters, and ferrets?

Answers: 1) Flower 2) Skunks are born blind and later have poor eyesight 3) Bucks 4) Kits 5) Mustelidae

First off, this post will contain spoilers. If I’m going to thoroughly review the past seven weeks of Doctor Who then some plot points will be revealed to make this worth posting in the first place. So if you’re like me and are sensitive to spoilers, stop. Stop reading right now. Get yourself caught up and then get on the Doctor Who train with the rest of us.

Ok, have they all gone? Is it safe to spoil now? Last Saturday showrunner Steven Moffat did something unprecedented as far as Doctor Who goes. He broke the season after seven episodes, with Gallifrey’s most famous resident returning to our screens in the autumn. Now a mid-series break is not uncommon for television serials in North America, and the decision was probably taken with one eye on that lucrative market – especially as the show has seemed to grow in popularity over the Atlantic. But as Moffat himself said, he also felt it better to have the series in two chunks – spring & autumn, rather than in a thirteen week spell, only to have to wait six more months for the next adventure. This way, it makes the show more ductile, lessens the waiting period and probably eases the strain on Moffat. Let’s not forget, he doesn’t only have to worry about Doctor Who, but Sherlock as well.

What also shouldn’t be overlooked, is that the demands of helming a series differ when it’s seven episodes rather than thirteen. No matter how high the quality, any show can begin to become routine and even a touch mundane when you bring the same characters back for a prolonged period. However, with not even two months worth of programming, and Moffat declaring that Episode 7 would end on a “game-changer”, there’s no room for coasting. The marathon becomes a sprint, and if you don’t come out of the blocks fast and shift into top gear, you’ll end up severely off the pace required to keep your audience gripped. So with that being said, how did Doctor Who fare in the first portion of Series Six?

Episode 1 – The Impossible Astronaut by Steven Moffat (8/10):

“That most certainly is The Doctor. And he is most certainly dead”

In terms of coming out of the blocks quickly, there’s not much more that Moffat could have done than have the Doctor (now aged 1,103) be murdered within the first 8 minutes. It immediately takes the viewers out of any potential comfort-zone, and adds a huge element of mystery to proceedings, as the identity of the killer remains unknown – the only clue is that the perpetrator is wearing a spacesuit.

But things remain all wibbly-wobbly, and after his cremation, the Doctor (aged 909) returns alive and well. Amy desperately wants to change the course of these events and warn the Doctor of his impending doom, but River says that interfering in his timeline is expressly forbidden. For once, the Doctor isn’t the most knowledgeable one in the Tardis, and they end up in The Oval Office on the brink of the Apollo 11 moon landings. President Nixon is being plagued by late night phone calls from a young child, and with the help of disgraced former FBI agent, Canton Everett Delaware III, the Doctor and his gang of three must find out the source of these calls.

On top of an already action packed episode, we meet the latest monster to threaten Earth and terrify little ones, The Silence. These creatures look like the mind of Edvard Munch made flesh, with a menacing growl and the ability to make you forget them the second you look away. And that spacesuit shows up again, but inside it is a little girl, pleading for help.

All in all, a breakneck start to a series that had to bear quite a lot of scrutiny in its build-up.

Episode 2 – Day Of The Moon by Steven Moffat (7/10):

“Safe?! No, of course you’re not safe. There’s about a billion other things out there, just waiting to burn your whole world. But, if you want to pretend you’re safe, just so you can sleep at night, ok, you’re safe. But you’re not really.”

It’s now 3 months later. Assisted by US government goons, Canton has shot Amy & Rory and stuffed them into body bags, while River has thrown herself off a building in a futile attempt to escape. The Doctor meanwhile has been locked inside an inescapable prison. But as River says, “there’s always a way out.” Seconds later she lands perfectly in the Tardis swimming pool.

It has all been the most cunning of ruses. Canton has been playing the US government for saps. Amy & Rory are not dead, and the Tardis is built into one of the walls of the prison. The past three months have been one long reconnaissance mission on The Silence to find a way to stop their nefarious plans.

The problem is that they’ve already encountered them several times. And how do you defeat an enemy that you can’t even recollect?

River & The Doctor discover that the girl from Episode 1 has escaped from her spacesuit. But where has she got to? Amy is captured by The Silence in a children’s home that has a terrifying scene reminiscent from Aliens, but not before she finds a picture of herself holding a newborn baby. However, these mysteries must wait as the episode centres around rescuing Amy and finding a way to nullify The Silence.

And of course they manage this. A combination of Neil Armstrong landing on the moon, The Doctor’s mind & River’s trigger finger save the day. She returns to her (very escapable) prison, but not before saying goodbye in her own inimitable style – maybe for the last time. And Amy reveals to The Doctor that she might be pregnant.

But these plot points pale in comparison to the episode’s final moments. The unknown girl shows up in an alleyway, sans spacesuit. She is ill. She is dying. But her face begins to glow, and her hands begin to shimmer. We’ve seen this before. But only from one particular race of people. So who is this girl? And more pertinently, what is she?

Episode 3 – The Curse Of The Black Spot by Steve Thompson (6/10):

“Ignore all my previous theories!”

Probably the weakest of the seven episodes, but an understandable change of pace was needed after the opening two-parter. This fits in the style of “fun romps” that we see in Doctor Who now & then. A pirate ship, a curse, and a siren that’s as deadly as she is beguiling. But one of the good things about the show under Moffat’s tenure is that even the most basic of episodes don’t follow a by-the-numbers formula. The intentions of the siren go further than old wives tales and perfunctory superstition. And the love between Rory & Amy is shown it all its depth & desperation, as he finds himself in the most fatal of situations – thankfully this was the last time we could compare him to the Star Trek character, Harry Kim.

In the previous episode, Amy tells The Doctor that she was mistaken about the pregnancy. But the last of the Time Lords is not convinced and is still monitoring her. However, the Tardis cannot decide whether she is pregnant or not. It’s clear that this is a plot thread that still has some unravelling to do.

Episode 4 – The Doctor’s Wife by Neil Gaiman (9/10):

“I just wanted to say…hello. Hello, Doctor. It’s so very, very nice to meet you.”

Has a one-off episode of a show ever come with so much anticipation attached? Rumours circulated of Neil Gaiman’s involvement with Doctor Who back in 2008. Dinner meetings, e-mails, script re-writes, delays, and three years later, The Doctor’s Wife was upon us. Gaiman has a fanbase as loyal & passionate as Doctor Who watchers. So the two forces could either result in a storytelling black hole or a supernova. Thankfully, we got the latter rather than the former. Gaiman took on an area of Doctor Who mythology that has surely been contemplated by people like me for a lot longer than is healthy. What is the nature of the relationship between The Doctor and the Tardis?

Russell T Davies & David Tennant had always made it seem more of an E.T & Elliott dynamic, but as the title suggests, Gaiman views the Tardis as er’ indoors (google it). While Suranne Jones had the thankless task of having to embody the Tardis in human form, she (yes, the Tardis is a she) does a remarkable job. Some have criticised her for “Helena Bonham Carter-ing” all over the shop, but if it’s what the role requires (and it was), then who cares how she plays it? This was a case where the destination was more important than the journey.

When The Doctor & the Tardis finally have the dialogue that some people have waited over 40 years for, I think most people in committed relationships (amazingly there’s a crossover between these people & Doctor Who fans) could both empathise & recognise their interaction. When the Doctor petulantly admonishes her, “You didn’t always take me where I wanted to go!”, she responds, “No, but I always took you where you needed to go.” She calls him, “My beautiful idiot.” He calls her, “Sexy” – but only when they’re alone.

While the rest of the story – an outer space junkyard beyond the very boundaries of the universe, and an intangible malevolent force which feeds on all things Gallifreyan is typically & entertainingly Gaiman, it’s eminently forgettable. Not because it’s poorly written or executed, far from it. But at its core, it’s not what The Doctor’s Wife is about. What it does, is start to burrow to the core of both The Doctor & the Tardis. Like any loving relationship, it shows that The Doctor is in thrall to the Tardis as much the Tardis is in thrall to The Doctor. They belong to each other equally, they have ownership of the other’s soul equally, and they love each other equally.

A love affair with something that’s all dials, gears and blue wood? If that sounds like something from the pages of fan-fiction, that’s because it’s exactly what The Doctor’s Wife is. Gaiman has no qualms with admitting as much publicly. But from the overall reaction – from both the fans & press alike, it seems that The Doctor’s Wife may be the greatest piece of fan-fiction ever written.

Episode 5 – The Rebel Flesh by Matthew Graham (7/10):

“I’ve got to get to that cockerel before all hell breaks loose! I never thought I’d get to say that again.”

After the whimsy & wonder of Episode 4, The Rebel Flesh has a tone that is more cold and vicious. Indeed many parents felt uneasy showing it to their young children. Depending on your viewpoint, this can be both a good and bad thing. Obviously the writers don’t want to negatively affect children, but Doctor Who is a show that’s been frightening children for decades. There’s little point bemoaning the programme being too scary. That horse bolted a long while ago.

As for the episode, it lacked the flow of its series predecessors, but had an interesting and quite complex story for Who – which may go some to explaining its confluence (or lack of it). With echoes of Shelley, and what it exactly means to be human meant that The Rebel Flesh wasn’t very fun, but very worthy.

And as this is only the first section of a two-part episode, the main plotting responsibility is to set up Episode 6.  And Graham does that proficiently. All is not well in the garden of Amy & Rory, a group of scientists have been cloned in an acid factory (the location for this episode), and it ends with the last Time Lord being singular no longer, as there’s now two of him.

Episode 6 – The Almost People by Matthew Graham (7/10):

“Hold on. We’re coming for you, I swear it. However hard, however far, we will find you.”

This episode was a tough balancing act for its writer, Matthew Graham. He had to resolve the plot points from The Rebel Flesh, while setting up the Episode 7 finale. So Graham manages credit for achieving both. As I said earlier regarding Episode 3, things don’t go by the numbers in the Steven Moffat era. We have four clones to contend with, but this isn’t just a simple mirror version of the original characters. There are no evil twins at play here, and it helps to keep the drama compelling.

Those who had been paying close attention to the interwebs beforehand knew that this was more about how the Doctor finds a way to save the day (even though his duplicate doesn’t survive the flesh rebellion). A lot of the time I was waiting for the huge reveal that concludes the 45 minutes. And anyone who tells you that they knew for certain that it was about Amy, and the “is she, isn’t she” pregnancy enigma is either lying or happens to be on the show’s writing staff. Graham ties in this ongoing issue with the genetic properties of the clones, which leads to a true WTF moment in the final few seconds of the episode. Props to all involved in those closing moments, which are taut, compelling and exhilarating in equal measure.

Episode 7 – A Good Man Goes To War by Steven Moffat (9/10):

“Demons run, when a good man goes to war. Night will fall & drown the sun, when a good man goes to war. Friendship dies & true love lies, night will fall & the dark will rise, when a good man goes to war.”

Maybe my rating is a touch generous. I may be on a high with the episode still fresh in my mind. But with only 50 minutes to tie so much together, how Moffat managed it without his brain exploding is beyond me. The Amy Pond in episodes 1-6 was a flesh duplicate, so where is the real Amy? Who is that woman with the eye-patch that keeps appearing in Amy’s subconscious all the way back to Episode 2? As Episode 6 ends with Amy about to give birth, who exactly is she giving birth to? Moffat also has some fun with the potential father of the child in Amy’s brilliant opening monologue.

Also, who is River Song? Who are these people that have stolen Amy, kept her dormant in a birthing chamber, and left an unknowing Doctor & Rory with her clone? Why have they gone to all this trouble? And what kind of response will it elicit in the man known as “the oncoming storm”?

We soon find out. The Doctor brings the thunder like never before. He blows up the 12th Cyber Legion – just to make a point. No avenue is exhausted in the Time Lord’s retaliation as he assembles an army from every corner of the universe. And the same goes for Moffat. He takes his time to build up to the battle of Demons Run, extracting every moment of drama & anticipation until we finally see The Doctor in the episode’s 19th minute.

And he dominates thereafter. This is probably the angriest we’ve seen the 11th Doctor. He reunites Rory with Amy and the latest addition to the Pond family (Melody). The enemies are vanquished with comprehensive ease.

Some would say a little too easily. “Anger is always the shortest distance to a mistake.”, Madame Vastra warns. And it’s a mistake the Doctor realises too late. If the eye-patch woman (Madame Kovarian) can make a flesh clone of Amy, she can make a flesh clone of anyone. The triumphalism felt after The Doctor’s victory dissipates the same way that baby Melody does in Amy’s arms. Kovarian is long gone, and so is Melody Pond.

In the episode’s denouement, River finally arrives. And she brings with her the moral of the tale. The reason for the cloak & dagger machinations to capture Amy and harvest her baby, as well as assembling an army to defend her are revealed. All in fear of The Doctor. Many years in the future, the word “doctor” doesn’t mean healer, but great warrior. Moffat gives an inkling to what events may come as Kovarian talks of an “endless war”. In this paradigm, The Doctor is nothing more than the equivalent of the first ever atomic bomb.

Moffat doesn’t just put The Doctor in a morally questionable position, but he does the same to us. Be honest. We loved the first part of this episode, The Doctor being all witty and magnificent, bestriding the galaxy like a colossus, breezing past anyone who opposes him. But this isn’t Cowboys & Indians. Continuously whizzing round the universe, and getting into scrapes leaves a trail of wreckage in his wake. Unlike in Davies’s tenure, Moffat doesn’t wimp out on killing characters that we may have begun to feel some affection for, even if it seems a little unfair. This is war. It isn’t meant to be fair. And with Melody already gone, who’s next to be little more than The Doctor’s collateral damage?

But Moffat shrewdly chooses not to leave the mid-series break on a grave note. The reveal of River’s identity not only clues The Doctor in to where Melody is now, but convinces us all that everything could (but not definitely will) turn out alright. Moffat wisely makes this a conduit to the next part of the story rather than the story itself. It ably sets up the second half of the series, and while many had already guessed who River was by this point, it shouldn’t matter a jot as this wasn’t a Keyser Soze moment.

Where does The Doctor go from here? He goes back in the Tardis, and will come out again in the autumn in Episode 8, “Let’s Kill Hitler”. And with a title like that it’s clear that they’re not setting  the bar low for the Time Lord’s return.

Shane Thomas (Greatest Events In Sporting History)

As some readers are no doubt aware I recently started a job that, given the amount of commuting it involves, has seriously affected my free time. As such, certain things have been put on hold until I’m able to move to Bristol. One of those things is my Grand Undertaking. It’s pretty much no longer possible to get all of Trek watched in a year so I’ve been having a serious think.

What I’ve concluded is that this wasn’t about getting all of Trek watched in a year so much as reconnecting with my most fondly loved TV franchise. I can still do that if it takes me two or three years to work through the works. So I’ll keep watching it and I’ll keep blogging it. It just won’t be done quite as quickly, is all.

In other words, watch this space. There’s more Trek coming.

A couple of weeks ago, my fiancée Lizzie and I met up with some friends from my old university’s Sci-Fi society and visited the new Doctor Who Experience at the Olympia exhibition centre in London. Needless to say, a great time was had by all.

After getting your ticket scanned by a barcode reader, you’re ushered into a waiting area with a few exhibits related to the most recent series (5 or 31 depending on your numbering system), including a display from The Hungry Earth, a Dalek from Victory of the Daleks and the painting of the Krafayis from Vincent and the Doctor.

After you’ve waited in this short taster area for enough people to congregate, the ‘experience’ part of the exhibition begins, where you get to take part in an interactive mini-episode. Filing into a mini cinema screen you’re shown a montage of the best bits of the Eleventh Doctor’s adventures (so far) before entering a crack in time to begin your adventure. I won’t spoil the plot here for those who are yet to go, but it’s great fun and features a host of monsters, a trip in the TARDIS and an intergalactic civil war.

On exiting the 3D movie that ends the ‘experience’ – which takes you past a replica of the Pandorica – you enter a more traditional museum-style exhibition with a cornucopia of effects from both the classic and more recent of The Doctor’s adventures, ranging from sets of both the 5th and 9th Doctors’ TARDIS interiors & full size monsters to props & costumes from the show and as well as the companions from the new series.

There’s also a screening room showing a loop of Doctor Who Confidential clips (on the day we went it was a clip about creating the shark-rickshaw ride from A Christmas Carol), a “walk like a monster” area with a video created by the show’s “monster choreographer” that encourages people to give it a try, not to mention a Radiophonic Workshop exhibit that allows you to mix your own version of the iconic Doctor Who theme.

Finally there’s a café and an extremely well stocked shop (remember how the 10th Doctor always loved a little shop), full of DVD’s, action figures, models, mugs, posters, t-shirts and pretty much any other Doctor Who memorabilia that one could want.

All in all, it was a fantastic trip. If you get the chance I’d recommend it to any fan of the series, old or new. Check out my blog – http://warpfactor.co.uk/ and my Flickr set for all my photos of the museum part (sadly no cameras allowed in the experience itself).

There is a cool new section of the forum where you can put down a request for an episode to play on Simply Syndicated radio.  Consider it a recommendation to others. Taking this as an inspiration, I’ve put together my own little (OK, very large) playlist.  I just started jotting down some favorites, and the next thing I knew … I’m closing in on 75.

Apologies to W1S1 and Games You Should Play.  Not being much of a gamer myself, I didn’t make a selection in that genre.  Truth is, I was having a tough enough time getting such a monster list organized.  But I did.

Shows about origins (you wanna be startin’ something):

1. MYSS – Episode 100, or the very first show I downloaded
2. DYT – Episode 10
3. SHaFT – Episode 6 – Well there you go
4. Hooked – Episode 4 – Origins
5. CAF – The 24 Hour Podcast
6. TDW – Superheroes
7. Paddy’s TV Surprise – The Thick Of It

Shows with indirect connections (didn’t see it coming):

1. CBMM – Groundhog Day
2. MASTERS OF NONE: The Groundhog Day Lost Radio Tapes
3. MIS – Episode 52
4. WW – Episode 27
5. MYSS – Pan’s Labyrinth
6. BYSR – Episode 15 – Jennifer Government

Meet-up memories (that’s what friends are for):

1. SHaFT – Episode 76 – The Week After The Meet Up
2. NH – Episode 59 – Toronto Nerd Up special / BSG 3 wrap-up special
3. HGN – Epsiode 6.1 – I went to the meetup and all I got was this lousy podcast
4. MON – 5.4 Priscilla Barnes: We Know Celebrities
5. MON – 5.7: Comic Con Finale
6. SHaFT – Episode 93 – Apparently he forgot it was SHaFT night

Podcasters’ preferences (playing favorites):

1. PCRP 36 – My 2010 Soundtrack
2. GEISH – Episode 20 – Thrilla’ in Manila
3. CBMM – Episode 33 – Once
4. HGN – Episode 47 – Scott Siglar
5. MYSS – The Return
6. MYSS – Episode 130 – The ‘Burbs
7. MYSS – Episode 137 – Top Gun
8. MYSS – Episode 165 – Bill Paxton Special
9. SHaFT – Episode 67 – How to get a free day off work

Serious stuff (well, and some not-so-serious stuff):

1. MoN 4.5- Top 8 & 1/2 Things We Did Before Technology
2. SB66: Starbase 66 episode 45-Gender Roles
3. MYSS – Episode 210 – Moon
4. BYSR – Episode 41 – What Might Have Been
5. GEISH: Episode 23: Top 5 Tearjerking Moments in Sport
6. CAF – Episode 3 – Restaurants
7. DYTE – The Future of Podcasting

Special guests (both interviews and additional hosts):

1. ATW9K Ep016 — Omar’s Snowjob Adventure (or The Two Ros Show)
2. NH – Episode 046 – Internet Dating
3. SB66 – Episode 30 – Suzie Plakson Interview
4. MON – 5.9- W.A.G. Invasion
5. HGN – Episode 46 – Octopussy and the Jaffa sabre
6. RD – 41 – Tuesday 1st of March

A bit of fun (don’t mean nothing but a good time):

1. TDW – Do We Exist?
2. FTATR – Episode 7 – Megadeth’s Youthenasia
3. SB66: Starbase 66 Episode 51-Mirror?
4. FTATR – Episode 28 – Ten Dollar Fist
5. 5.Jay: Masters Of FUN!
6. ATW9K Ep018 — Kevin’s potty mouth (or the Something Something Affair)
7. HGN – THE SKITS! Volume 1
8. BYSR – Episode 50 – Books Chicks Should Read
9. HOOKED – Episode 32 – Weird and Unusual Highs
10. MON – Episode 11 – Ranch Dressing: Sucks Or Rules?
11. WW – Episode 28

Holiday specials (having a merry little Christmas):

1. CAF – Episode 24 – Christmas
2. SHaFT – Christmas Special 2008
3. MASTERS OF NONE 3.9- Worst Christmas Songs of All Time

Two-part programs (pre-planned or more coincidental):

1. NH – Episode 36 – The Legend of Sleepy Hurdles (Halloween pt. 1)
2. MIS – Episode 101
3. TDW – Growing Up part 1
4. NH – Episode 42 – Sexy Hurdles
5. SB66 – Episode 37 – Herb Solow Interview
6. NH – Episode 37 – Dead Zombies Walking (Halloween pt. 2)
7. MIS – Episode 107
8. TDW – Growing up part 2
9. NH – Episode 69 – Sexy Hurdles Part Deux: Sex Shops
10. SB66 – Episode 38 – Harrison Solow

GAB’s favorites (among those not already listed):

1. TDW – Episode 100 – Embarrassing Stories
2. PCRP – Episode 13 – Yo Yo Daddy-0
3. Masters Of None – 2.14 – Worst Band Names Of All time
4. AYSH – Joni Mitchell’s Blue
5. FTATR – Episode 14 – Faith No More’s The Real Thing
6. SB66 – Episode 76 – The Golden Age
7. NH – Episode 61 – Complete TOSsers
8. CBMM – Episode 29 – After The Wedding
9. Hooked – Episode 9 – Relaxation Techniques
10. MYSS – Jaws

What makes you want to turn on the radio? Any suggestions? By all means, let everyone know on our forum.

This post was written by Greg Blanchard, GAB on our forums.

This post was written by Greg of the Inappropriate Conversations podcast which you can find here.

Hello, I’m Greg.

Let’s have an “inappropriate conversation” about advertising.

I have recorded and edited 48 shows in my first year of putting out a podcast.  I still feel like a noob from a technical perspective.  From last March until midway through January, it never occurred to me that I should be using Google Analytics.  If you listen to Rich Daily (and you should), I asked a question last Tuesday about how to get this reporting through Google.  All the while, a simple step with Podbean weeks earlier was already yielding results without my awareness.

Yes, Google Analytics is pretty cool.  If you love facts and figures, as I do, it is as interesting as it is free.  I’m not writing about the tool itself, though, or the tech support we’ve come to expect from Simply Syndicated. I’m writing about the results.

In late December, both to support Simply Syndicated and to celebrate a successful end of the year, I signed up for one of the ads on the upper right corner of this Home Page.  Simple enough to do: £25 for a month with a 125×125 image of Ro Karen’s wonderful logo for the show and a link attached to click through.

I had already decided to keep it in place through February because I knew I was getting feedback from new listeners.

• Someone called The Saint wrote: “Awesome podcast, if you can even call it that. I just found this podcast from the simply syndicated front page, I thought it would be just another silly podcast, I didn’t expect it to get as deep and meaningful as it was. This cast is like you said a poem on the wall. I am glad I just happen to be looking .”
• Feedback came from another Simply Syndicated listener, and that led to my first iTunes review.
• Site visits for January blew away the monthly average by 169%, and 67% higher than the next busiest month.

From all this, I knew the results were coming from the advertising.  I regularly post on the “Shamelessly Plugging Ourselves” thread on the forum, but this response was different. How different?  The answer takes me back to Google Analytics. Since I stored my ID on Podbean in January, 30% of the traffic on Inappropriate Conversations has come from the ad on Simply Syndicated.

Again, 30% of the visits are coming from the ad!  Needless to say, I’m carrying over into March.  I already knew that January had been the biggest month ever, with by far the most episode hits and site visitors.  It’s still helpful for a small show to look behind the numbers.  Whether the data reveals 30% of a hundred or a thousand, it makes a compelling claim about the power of advertising … even in the hands of someone who, like me, doesn’t really know what he’s doing.

Greg Blanchard (GAB)

This post was sent to us by Greg Spalding, @Lebowski on Twitter.

Anyone who knows me will probably know about my interest, nay, passion for theme parks, rides and, mainly, roller coasters.

When I was 5, a family holiday in a caravan on the Kent coast in the UK placed us just a few minutes from Dreamland, a somewhat run down, but characterful local fun fair. A huge ferris wheel dominated the park, with other travelling and fixed attractions scattered around it. But the oldest resident of Dreamland was, and still is, the Scenic Railway, a wooden coaster, which opened in 1920.

At 5 years old, The Scenic towered over me, but something compelled me to believe my Dad’s words: “It’s fine, you’ll be ok”. So sat at my Dad’s side, in the front row, I vividly remember the lap bar being pulled down, that stopped at my Dad’s thighs, leaving a gap of what seemed like several feet between me, and the bar. My feet couldn’t reach the floor of the train. All I remember of the ride now was the train being hauled up the lift hill, and the ornate carved figures along the front of the car. The rest was a blur to me. But I survived, and according to my Dad, asked to go back on straight away!

That ride started something. As the years passed, I slowly began to build up my list of rides, and would beg my Dad to take us to a park when a new ride opened. By my mid 20’s, with a few trips to the USA under my belt, I had ridden over 100 different coasters. By the time I reached 30 that had risen to almost 200. Which may not sound like a lot, but consider that even the biggest parks have anywhere between 5-15 roller coasters, the number of parks visited becomes appreciable. I’m now just past 37, and my ride count so far stands at 404. 311 steel coasters and 97 wood.

I watch the progress of new coasters from the first rumours, through to press releases, construction, commissioning and up to the opening day, which I am usually at if it’s a new UK coaster. I’ve been on several trips now with the Roller Coaster Club of Great Britain, and every 2 years we embark on a 2 week trip to the USA, usually with a hectic schedule, many long miles on a bus, and early starts and late nights. The most insane so far was in 2006.

58 of us flew from London to Detroit, and then took an 8-hour bus ride to Indiana. We arrived at our hotel at 1am, having travelled for almost 20 hours. We were there to be at the opening of The Voyage roller coaster at Holiday World in Indiana, and the park and press wanted us there at 6am. To say we were all very grouchy and tired is a vast understatement!

Once the press call was out of the way, we piled into the station to take a ride on this massive behemoth of a wooden roller coaster. And it was incredible. Not just the ride, but also the atmosphere and the surroundings. You could still smell the cut timber from the construction of Voyages’ mile long wooden tracks. It became my favourite coaster, and still holds that position now.

I’m 96 coasters short of a landmark of 500 and now that I have kids it may take a while to get there. But with friends pushing the 1000 coaster mark, I’m going to keep chasing them and seeking out new rides.

Enterprise

Season 2, Episode 6

Marauders

Watching this episode I had a thought that I had to share. It’s not a complicated or deep thought, just a quick one that I felt worth sharing. It has to do with the sloppy handling of continuity in Enterprise.

We all know that Klingons are a sticky point when it comes to continuity. Handled with great aplomb in ‘Trials and Tribble-ations’ it seems to have been mishandled in Enterprise, the season that sought to finally explain it. Of course this early in season 2 the explanation hasn’t begun but the Klingons are back.

Another of those realisations where something that’s bugged me since I first saw Enterprise finally resolves itself on a second-viewing occurred.

I could pretty much accept the Klingons in Enterprise if they wore something even vaguely resembling the uniforms we saw them in in TOS. The uniform was so very distinctive and it’s not just the sudden presence of forehead ridges that’s disconcerting but the lack of the very recognisable Klingon garb.

Uniformed Klingons with head ridges would have given us something that, in terms of continuity, was intriguing rather than insulting.

- Simon ‘wryterra’ Aplin
Originally posted on blog.wryterra.com

Enterprise

Season 1, Episode 26 & Season 2, Episode 1

Shockwave

Reports from the Star Trek front lines. Something has been bugging me about the Enterprise Season 1, Season 2 two-parter and it’s finally settled in. For the first half or so of Shockwave pt 1 the episode represents some of the greatest Star Trek television written. Bold statement, right?

Spoiler Warning

In Shockwave pt 1, Enterprise seems to be responsible for an in-atmosphere detonation that wipes out an alien colony. Captain Archer suddenly has to live with the fact that he has caused a practical genocide, 10s of thousands of lives on his conscience. If that wasn’t bad enough, Star Fleet cancels the Enterprise mission and orders the ship recalled to Earth. It won’t launch again for five to ten years.

With mass-man-slaughter weighing on him and knowing that his father’s life work and his own life’s ambition lie in tatters, Archer falls apart. We see a Star Fleet captain go to pieces like we have never seen before. Despondent, despairing and without hope.

His salvation comes in an unlikely form. T’Pol. The Vulcan who has been so much his foil throughout the season is forced to admit to him ‘it is easy to list your wrong decisions, but there have been other decisions. Decisions no one could question. I am willing to make that point to my government if you will make it to yours’. I am paraphrasing, but the message is there. T’Pol is on Archer’s side, even in the face of evidence that says he has killed an entire planetary population. At least one Vulcan backs Enterprise, its’ captain and the human race.

Frankly, I’m pretty much speechless at this point. I want to see T’Pol turn around and argue with the Vulcans, I want to see Archer and T’Pol in a united front arguing that regardless of their scale, accidents happen and one accident is not worth canceling the mission. Especially when every evidence proves that it was truly an accident, a fluke occurrence and no one’s fault. I want to see the first great mission of Star Fleet make a disastrous misjudgment but persist.

Sadly, no. The detonation was caused by a Suliban ship, framing Archer. It’s part of the temporal cold war. As I explained before, I hate this plot as it is one of things happening to Archer and his crew, making them reactionaries not protagonists. What’s worse, Archer is suddenly transported into the far future, hundreds of years into the future, to find the future destroyed.

Cliff hanger.

Suddenly it’s turned around on me. One of the boldest, bravest Star Trek story lines has turned around and told me ‘ah, but none of it was real. It wasn’t an accident, Enterprise didn’t cause it, it’s time-travel and will probably all be alright. Tune in next season to find out how we put everything back to normal!’.

I don’t want it put back to normal. I want to see the crew deal with it. I want to see Star Fleet deal with it. I want to see humanity deal with it. But no, we’ll reset and it’ll be back to shiny space adventures before you know it.

Of course, that’s all Shockwave pt 1. You might notice I’ve put Shockwave pt 2 up there as well and that’s because it also lets me down.

Given the disappointing bait-and-switch set up of pt 1, pt 2 proceeds much as you’d expect. However, that doesn’t stop it from doing something that bugs the hell out of me…

In the future, Archer points out that if the future that created time travel technology no longer exists, they shouldn’t be there. Daniels replies:

You’re thinking of time travel like an H.G. Wells novel. It’s not. It’s far more complicated. You couldn’t possibly understand.

Look at that again. Specifically the words ‘you couldn’t possibly understand’. My problem with this is that ‘you couldn’t possibly understand’ is patently false. Daniels is human and he understands. Ergo, ‘you couldn’t possibly understand’ can be read as the script writer admitting ‘I couldn’t possibly explain’ which means the script has no internal consistency and makes no sense, because in a world where ‘Heisenberg Compensator’ is an acceptable answer to ‘Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle’, something inexplicable must be very, very poorly thought through. So poorly thought through not even techno-babble can save us!

So it’s with some trepidation that I make my way into Season 2…

- Simon ‘wryterra’ Aplin
Originally posted on blog.wryterra.com

AKA: Where Enterprise went wrong.

It’s a funny thing but I find myself enjoying quite a lot of Enterprise, re-watching it in bulk. When it was airing I went out of my way to watch it every week, as it aired in the US, courtesy of a good friend. Something was keeping me interested and now I know what it is.

For the first few episodes Enterprise is really pretty decent stuff. I thoroughly enjoyed watching the crew deal with new frontiers of human perception and capabilities. Coming up against unexpected and unanticipated things and peoples. Weighing up T’Pol’s advice about cultural contaminations, because there is no prime directive just yet.

I was especially fond of two episodes, Fortunate Son and Breaking the Ice. Both of them appealed to the hard sci-fi reader in me. This might surprise you, but bare with me.

Whilst not directly hard science fiction, the story presented in Fortunate Son fascinates me in the way it deals with technology outpacing technology. Human spacers who are scared into making stupid decisions because the Warp 5 engine threatens their livelihoods. All the old freighters are about to be obsolete and they know they can’t afford to stay with the curve. All too often Star Trek shows us the great advances without showing the problems they cause along the way. To see it dealt with was a rare treat.

Breaking The Ice appeals in a much simpler way. I can’t imagine any other Star Trek in which the crew stumble across a particularly large comet and become fascinated by it because it’s particularly large. This is truly a crew who are seeing the universe for the first time.

I don’t have a lot to say about other episodes. Dear Doctor is something of rif on Data’s Day, Oasis is part TNG’s “The Survivors” and part DS9′s “Shadowplay”.

Which brings me to Cold Front. This is where Enterprise really goes wrong, for me. Whilst I love the basic Star Trek storytelling of races against time, diplomatic or ethical problems or encounters with strange new worlds, new life and new civilizations… (sorry, couldn’t help myself) I hate the temporal cold war. All too often a Star Trek Time Travel episode always felt like a bottom-of-the-barrel idea filler episode. It certainly feels over used and is often done rather badly. In a show where the appeal was a Star Trek without the deus-ex-machina solutions of tachyon emitters, transporters, shields, tractor beams, tricorders, etc I just can’t forgive the writers for writing in Crewman Daniels’ quartes. A convenient room full of technology from centuries beyond the tech seen in any of the other shows.

It’s a well I’m glad they didn’t go to too often, but it was there and that was a mistake. Also, the idea of a temporal cold war is such a nebulous and abstract one that the battle lines, combatants and allegiances never felt solid or consistant. Archer and Enterprise were just batted around by the players, aware that something was going on but unable to ever really be a part of it.

Why couldn’t they just get on with exploring space?

Oh and before I forget, the sin I can never forgive the writers for? Detained. You have Scott Bakula. You have Dean Stockwell. You have Scott Bakula brought into the room where Dean Stockwell is. The first line delivered by Scott Bakula in this scene should be, by mathematical law, “Oh Boy.” If it is anything else, you have failed as a writer.

- Simon ‘wryterra’ Aplin
Originally posted on blog.wryterra.com

Enterprise

Season 1, Episode 1

Broken Bow

I had forgotten just how much promise this series began with. No, I’m not referring to Trip and T’Pol’s quarantine rub-down. That was actually one of the things that annoyed me right up front. On an intellectual level. I’m still human.

No, the promise came from what they got right. In my opinion that’s as follows:

Future-Past Tech
The Enterprise itself looked like it was made of metal, the interiors were inspired by nuclear submarines not science fiction. The same goes for the utilitarian jumpsuits and lcd tv screens that served as displays ship-wide. It looked like a recognisable future yet Star Trek’s past. Untrustworthy transporters, grappling lines, shuttlepods, unreliable gravity and the barest prototype of a universal translator.

Star Trek Aliens
Arrogant Vulcans and Humans (also arrogant) in their uneasiest first steps of alliance. Klingons, the great antagonists, even if they were pasty-present-and-correct. Denobulans were new and fitted nicely into Star Trek, also providing us with another great Doctor character. Why is it Trek does Doctors so well?

Scott Bakula
Yeah, he was Sam Beckett, but in fairness he hadn’t been for a while. When it came to casting a Starfleet captain to come before Kirk you needed a square jawed, clean-cut all American man who could sell some rough and tumble. You needed Bakula.

A Time Limit and a Problem
The best Star Trek story telling is either a complex character study or a race against time story. Those are, broadly, the classics. Pilots are, traditionally, the latter and this is what Broken Bow gave us.

Porthos

In general, Broken Bow was great. There was some unease.The Suliban didn’t sit well with me, right from the get go and I was sadly to be proven right. Let’s not even talk about the abomination of a theme tune.

Still, it’s kind of refreshing to go back with some distance and remember just how hopeful the opener made me way-back-when.

- Simon ‘wryterra’ Aplin
Originally posted on blog.wryterra.com

What follows is a blog post as it appeared on my personal site. Having spoken with Rich we’ve decided that this would be a fun thing to cross post with Simply Read. It fits my own reasons for blogging about it, which is that having a public record of my progress will keep me honest and that some people might find the whole process interesting. So, visit Simply Read to check in with me as I undertake to watch all of Star Trek in a single year.

The original post that began it all:

New Years Resolution Time!

This year it’s not ‘lose weight’, though that’s on my to-do list. Nor is it a resolution to tidy more often, generally be more domestic, although that’s also right up there. No, this year I’m trying something big. Inspired by Amezzeray I have resolved to watch all of Star Trek in a single year. If you’re curious what ‘all of Star Trek’ means or want to check up on my progress, venture forth into the rest of this post…I will be striking out the things I have seen as I go. I may strike out and link episodes I have opinions about.

Enterprise

Season 1

Broken Bow
Fight or Flight
Strange New World
Unexpected
Terra Nova
The Andorian Incident
Breaking The Ice
Civilization
Fortunate Son
Cold Front
Silent Enemy
Dear Doctor
Sleeping Dogs
Shadows of Pjem
Shuttlepod One
Fusion
Rogue Planet
Acquisition
Oasis
Detained
Vox Sola
Fallen Hero
Desert Crossing
Two Days and Two Nights
Shockwave, pt 1

Season 2

Shockwave, pt 2
Carbon Creek
Minefield
Dead Stop
A Night In Sickbay
Marauders
The Seventh
The Communicator
Singularity
Vanishing Point
Precious Cargo
The Catwalk
Dawn
Stigma
Cease Fire
Future Tense
Canamar
The Crossing
Judgment
Horizon
The Breach
Cogenitor
Regeneration
First Flight
Bounty
The Expanse

Season 3

The Xindi
Anomaly
Extinction
Rajiin
Impulse
Exile
The Shipment
Twilight
North Star
Similitude
Carpenter Street
Chosen Realm
Proving Ground
Stratagem
Harbinger
Doctor’s Orders
Hatchery
Azati Prime
Damage
The Forgotten
E2
The Council
Countdown
Zero Hour

Season 4

Storm Front, pt 1
Storm Front, pt 2
Home
Borderland
Cold Station 12
The Augments
The Forge
Awakening
Kir’Shara
Daedalus
Observer Effect
Babel One
United
The Aenar
Affliction

Star Trek

The Cage

Season 1

The Man Trap
Charlie X
Where No Man Has Gone Before
The Naked Time
The Enemy Within
Mudd’s Women
What Are Little Girls Made Of?
Miri
Dagger of the Mind
The Corbomite Manoeuvre
The Menagerie, pt 1
The Menagerie, pt 2
The Conscience of the King
Balance of Terror
Shore Leave
The Galileo Seven
The Squire of Gothos
Arena
Tomorrow is Yesterday
Court Martial
The Return of the Archons
Space Seed
A Taste of Armageddon
This Side of Paradise
The Devil in the Dark
Errand of Mercy
The Alternative Factor
The City on the Edge of Forever
Operation: Annihilate!

Season 2

Amok Time
Who Mourns for Adonais
The Changeling
Mirror, Mirror
The Apple
The Doomsday Machine
Catspaw
I, Mudd
Metamorphosis
Journey to Babel
Friday’s Child
The Deadly Years
Obsession
Wolf in the Fold
The Trouble With Tribbles
The Gamesters of Triskelion
A Piece of the Action
The Immunity Syndrome
A Private Little War
Return to Tomorrow
Patterns of Force
By Any Other Name
The Omega Glory
The Ultimate Computer
Bread and Circuses
Assignment: Earth

Season 3

Spock’s Brain
The Enterprise Incident
The Paradise Syndrome
And the Children Shall Lead
Is There In Truth No Beauty?
Spectre of the Gun
Day of the Dove
For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky
The Tholian Web
Plato’s Stepchildren
Wink of an Eye
The Empath
Elaan of Troyius
Whom Gods Destroy
Let That Be Your Last Battlefield
The Mark of Gideon
That Which Survives
The Lights of Zetar
Requiem for Methuselah
The Way To Eden
The Cloud Minders
The Savage Curtain
All Our Yesterdays
Turnabout Intruder

Star Trek The Animated Series

Season 1

Beyond The Farthest Star
Yesteryear
One of Our Planets is Missing
The Lorelei Signal
More Tribbles, More Troubles
The Survivor
The Infinite Vulcan
The Magicks of Megas-tu
Once Upon a Planet
Mudd’s Passion
The Terratin Incident
The Time Trap
The Ambergris Element
The Slaver Weapon
The Eye of the Beholder
The Jihad

Season 2

The Pirates of Orion
Bem
The Practical Joker
Albatross
How Sharper Than a Serpent’s Tooth
The Counter-Clock Incident

Star Trek The Motion Picture

Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan

Star Trek III The Search For Spock

Star Trek IV The Voyage Home

Star Trek V The Final Frontier

Star Trek VI The Undiscovered Country

Star Trek The Next Generation

Season 1

Encounter at Farpoint
The Naked Now
Code of Honor
The Last Outpost
Where No One Has Gone Before
Lonely Among Us
Justice
The Battle
Hide and Q
Haven
The Big Goodbye
Datalore
Angel One
11001001
Too Short a Season
When the Bough Breaks
Home Soil
Coming of Age
Heart of Glory
The Arsenal of Freedom
Symbiosis
Skin of Evil
We’ll Always Have Paris
Conspiracy
The Neutral Zone

Season 2

The Child
Where Silence Has Lease
Elementary, Dear Data
The Outrageous Okona
Loud as a Whisper
The Schizoid Man
Unnatural Selection
A Matter of Honor
The Measure of a Man
The Dauphin
Contagion
The Royale
Time Squared
The Icarus Factor
Pen Pals
Q Who
Samaritan Snare
Up The Long Ladder
Manhunt
The Emissary
Peak Performance
Shades of Gray

Season 3

Evolution
The Ensigns of Command
The Survivors
Who Watches the Watchers
The Bonding
Booby Trap
The Enemy
The Price
The Vengeance Factor
The Defector
The Hunted
The High Ground
Deja Q
A Matter of Perspective
Yesterday’s Enterprise
The Offspring
Sins of the Father
Allegiance
Captain’s Holiday
Tin Man
Hollow Pursuits
The Most Toys
Sarek
Menage a Troi
Transfigurations
The Best of Both Worlds, pt 1

Season 4

The Best of Both Worlds, pt 2
Family
Brothers
Suddenly Human
Remember Me
Legacy
Reuinion
Future Imperfect
Final Mission
The Loss
Data’s Day
The Wounded
Devil’s Due
Clues
First Contact
Galaxy’s Child
Night Terrors
Identity Crisis
The Nth Degree
Qpid
The Drumhead
Half a Life
The Host
The Mind’s Eye
In Theory
Redemption, pt 1

Season 5

Redemption, pt 2
Darmok
Ensign Ro
Silicon Avatar
Disaster
The Game
Unification, pt 1
Unification, pt 2
A Matter of Time
New Ground
Hero Worship
Violations
The Masterpiece Society
Conundrum
Power Play
Ethics
The Outcast
Cause and Effect
The First Duty
Cost of Living
The Perfect Mate
Imaginary Friend
I, Borg
The Next Phase
The Inner Light
Time’s Arrow, pt 1

Season 6

Time’s Arrow, pt 2
Realm of Fear
Man of the People
Relics
Schisms
True Q
Rascals
A Fistful of Datas
The Quality of Life
Chain of Command, pt 1
Chain of Command, pt 2
Ship in a Bottle
Aquiel
Face of the Enemy
Tapestry
Birthright, pt 1
Birthright, pt 2
Starship Mine
Lessons
The Chase
Frame of Mind
Suspicions
Rightful Heir
Second Chances
Timescape
Descent, pt 1

Season 7

Descent, pt 2
Liaisons
Interface
Gambit, pt 1
Gambit, pt 2
Phantasms
Dark Page
Attached
Force of Nature
Inheritance
Parallels
The Pegasus
Homeward
Sub Rosa
Lower Decks
Thine Own Self
Masks
Eye of the Beholder
Genesis
Journey’s End
Firstborn
Bloodlines
Emergence
Preemptive Strike
All Good Things, pt 1
All Good Things, pt 2

Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Season 1

Emissary, pt 1
Emissary, pt 2
Past Prologue
A Man Alone
Babel
Captive Pursuit
Q-Less
Dax
The Passenger
Move Along Home
The Nagus
Vortex
Battle Lines
The Storyteller
Progress
If Wishes Were Horses
The Forsaken
Dramatis Personae
Duet
In The Hands of the Prophets

Season 2

The Homecoming
The Circle
The Siege
Invasive Procedures
Cardassians
Melora
Rules of Acquisition
Necessary Evil
Second Sight
Sanctuary
Rivals
The Alternate
Armageddon Game
Whispers
Paradise
Shadowplay
Playing God
Profit and Loss
Blood Oath
The Maquis, pt 1
The Maquis, pt 2
The Wire
Crossover
The Collaborator
Tribunal
The Jem’Hadar

Star Trek Generations

Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Season 3

The Search, pt 1
The Search, pt 2
The House of Quark
Equilibrium
Second Skin
The Abandoned
Civil Defense
Merdian
Defiant
Fascination
Past Tense, pt 1
Past Tense, pt 2
Life Support
Heart of Stone
Destiny
Prophet Motive
Visionary
Distant Voices
Through the Looking Glass
Improbable Cause
The Die is Cast
Explorers
Family Business
Shakaar
Facets
The Adversary

Season 4

The Way of the Warrior, pt 1
The Way of the Warrior, pt 2
The Visitor
Hippocratic Oath
Indiscretion
Rejoined
Starship Down
Little Green Men
The Sword of Kahless
Our Man Bashir
Homefront
Paradise Lost
Crossfire
Return to Grace
Sons of Mogh
Bar Association
Accession
Rules of Engagement
Hard Time
Shattered Mirror
The Muse
For The Cause
To The Death
The Quickening
Body Parts
Broken Link

Star Trek First Contact

Star Trek Deep Space Nine

Season 5

Apocalypse Rising
The Ship
Looking for par’Mach in All the Wrong Places
…Nor the Battle to the Strong
The Assignment
Trials and Tribble-ations
Let He Who Is Without Sin…
Things Past
The Ascent
Rapture
The Darkness and the Light
The Begotten
For The Uniform
In Purgatory’s Shadow
By Inferno’s Light
Doctor basher, I Presume?
A Simple Investigation
Business as Usual
Ties of Blood and Water
Ferengi Love Songs
Soldiers of the Empire
Children of Time
Blaze of Glory
Empok Nor
In The Cards
Call to Arms

Season 6

A Time to Stand
Rocks and Shoals
Sons and Daughters
Behind the Lines
Favor the Bold
Sacrifice of Angels
You are Cordially Invited…
Resurrection
Statistical Probabilities
The Magnificent Ferengi
Waltz
Who Mourns for Mourn?
Far Beyond the Stars
One Little Ship
Honor Among Thieves
Change of Heart
Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night
Inquisition
In the Pale Moonlight
His Way
The Reckoning
Valiant
Profit and Lace
Time’s Orphan
The Sound of Her Voice
Tears of the Prophets

Season 7

Image in the Sand
Shadows and Symbols
Afterimage
Take Me Out to the Holosuite
Chrysalis
Treachery, Fatih and the Great River
Once More Unto the Breach
The Siege of AR-558
Covenant
It’s Only A Paper Moon
Prodigal Daughter
The Emperer’s New Cloak
Field of Fire
Chimera
Badda-Bing Badda-Bang
Inter Arma Enim Silent Leges
Penumbra
Til Death Do Us Part
Strange Bedfellows
The Changing Face of Evil
When It Rains…
Tackin Into The Wind
Extreme Measures
The Dogs of War
What You Leave Behind, pt 1
What You Leave Behind, pt 2

Star Trek Insurrection

Star Trek Voyager

Season 1

Caretaker
Parallax
Time and Again
Phage
The Cloud
Eye of the Needle
Ex Post Factor
Emanations
Prime Factors
State of Flux
Heroes and Demons
Cathexis
Faces
Jetrel
Learning Curve

Season 2

The 37s
Initiations
Projections
Elogium
Non Sequitur
Twisted
Parturition
Persistence of Vision
Tattoo
Cold Fire
Maneuvers
Resistance
Prototype
Alliances
Threshold
Meld
Dreadnought
Death Wish
Lifesigns
Investigations
Deadlock
Innocence
The Thaw
Tuvix
Resolutions
Basics, pt 1

Season 3

Basics, pt 2
Flashback
The Chute
The Swarm
False Profits
Remember
Sacred Ground
Future’s End, pt 1
Future’s End, pt 2
Warlord
The Q and the Grey
Macrocosm
Fair Trade
Alter Ego
Code
Blood Fever
Unity
Darkling
Rise
Favourite Son
Before and After
Real Life
Distant Origin
Displaced
Worst Case Scenario
Scorpion, pt 1

Season 4

Scorpion, pt 2
The Gift
Day of Honor
Nemesis
Revulsion
The Raven
Scientific Method
Year of Hell, pt 1
Year of Hell, pt 2
Random Thoughts
Concerning Flight
Mortal Coil
Waking Moments
Message in a Bottle
Hunters
Prey
Retrospect
The Killing Game, pt 1
The Killing Game, pt 2
Vis a Vis
The Omega Directive
Unforgettable
Living Witness
Demon
One
Hope and Fear

Season 5

Night
Drone
Extreme Risk
In The Flesh
Once Upon a Time
Timeless
Infinite Regress
Nothing Human
Thirty Days
Counterpoint
Latent Image
Bride of Chaotical
Gravity
Bliss
Dark Frontier, pt 1
Dark Frontier, pt 2
The Disease
Course: Oblivion
The Fight
Think Tank
Juggernaut
Someone To Watch Over Me
11:59
Relativity
Warhead
Equinox, pt 1

Season 6

Equinox, pt 2
Survival Instinct
Barge of the Dead
Tinker, Tenor, Doctor, Spy
Alice
Riddles
Dragon’s Teeth
One Small Step
The Voyager Conspiracy
Pathfinder
Fair Haven
Blink of an Eye
Virtuoso
Memorial
Tsunkatse
Collective
Spirit Folk
Ashes to Ashes
Child’s Play
Good Shepard
Live Fast and Prosper
Muse
Fury
Life Line
The Haunting of Deck Twelve
Unimatrix Zero, pt 1

Season 7

Unimatrix Zero, pt 2
Imperfection
Drive
Repression
Critical Care
Inside Man
Body and Soul
Nightingale
Flesh and Blood, pt 1
Flesh and Blood, pt 2
Shattered
Lineage
Repentance
Prophecy
The Void
Workforce, pt 1
Workforce, pt 2
Human Error
Q2
Author, Author
Friendship One
Natural Law
Homestead
Renaissance Man
Endgame, pt 1
Endgame, pt 2

Star Trek Nemesis

Star Trek XI

Rough calculations say that’s over 700 individual things to watch and clocking in at over 500 hours of viewing.

I’m going to have to get going! It’s already the 3rd after all!

Edit: Thanks to the people who pointed out there’s no easy way of seeing who wrote an article on Simply Read. I’m now going to sign all the posts.

- Simon ‘wryterra’ Aplin
Originally posted on blog.wryterra.com

This post was written by Ian who you’ll know as kernow1988 on our forums or @kernow1988 on Twitter.

Friday the 19^th of March started at about 9.30am, with me bounding out of bed, psyched that I was making my way to the far north of England for the Simply Syndicated meet up. After packing (I don’t really do forward planning) and grabbing the obligatory past for my journey, I was dropped to the airport to embark upon possibly the longest journey that anyone undertook for the meet this time around.

Unfortunately all did not go to plan, and my flight was delayed by 2hours because of weather. On my eventual arrival – 5 hours and 350 miles later – at my palatial accommodation (Premier Inn) I was pretty tired.

Fortunately I had a evening plan, and after a quick freshen up I was out the door to meet with Jonathan Wilkinson (onewild) who greeted me like an old friend, and then proceded to show me my first glimpse of Leeds, and to whom I proved that us southerners CAN drink

Fast forward past a slight hangover and a day of sleep and shopping in Leeds to 4.30pm at the Victoria Hotel, sat on my own with a pint as I was the first synner to arrive. Sat there on my own it has to be said, the nerves really hit me I’d been listening to these people for years, or talking to them in the live rooms/ on the forums too. Now I was going to meet them? The mind boggled.

Jonathan appeared and shortly after he sat down, pint in hand (seldom was it otherwise) Mike Storer came over and introduced himself. I have to admit, I did a double take – here was a voice relatively familiar (and a very distinctive laugh) coming out of a guy who I had never really seen. After a bout of introductions we settled in to watch the Scotland/Ireland six nations rugby game. Now, I’ll take this point to make it clear – I have no idea what is going on in a game of rugby, and so fell back on critiquing the asthetics of the teams until some other synners arrived.

The next influx of people were the gaggle staying at the hotel, Richard and Allison included. On introducing myself I earned myself a spontaneous hug, aswell as meeting Shane (tokenbg), Dales and Jeny who were also interested in the rugby.

After realising that everyone else seemed to have found alternative seating arrangements I headed off in search of them, to be greeted by a back room populated exclusively by members of the Simply Syndicated community, all holding court with the Emperor and his Queen.

What followed was a blur of introductions where I met the vast majority of the SimSyn hosts of Rich, Allison, Will Tristram, Craig Bevan (I was *very* excited about meeting him, Gloria and Boz, aswell as some familiar names from he forums Tim (trekkiegeek), Andrew (uraifenn), Greg (the big lebowski), Mary (mekka). Plus a few who I must apologise to for being crap and forgetting names.

The back room was a haven for small electronic devices, probably supporting more bandwidth than most family households. It initially took me by surprise that everyone had at least two devices of some sort, iPhones, Android Phones, video cameras – Rich even brought the MiFi just incase he felt a pang for any impromptu live streaming! Looking around the room again however, it didn’t surprise me at all that this group of people had such a concentration of gadgets and gizmos, upto and including an LED name badge =)

Eventually last orders was called in the Vic, and the majority of us gathered outside for a photoshoot, before carrying on to a very strange bar/club called FAB. An establishment I had never even imagined, let alone existed. There was Star Trek, Star Wars, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dr Who, Aliens and probably many other types of paraphernalia that I just didn’t recognise, all topped off with a huge mural behind the bar that had a Shatner Kirk on it. The place was amazing, and just the kind of place a SimSyn gathering was perfect for.

Over the next three hours much alcohol was imbibed – just ask Rich what he was on after he came to the bar with me and there were some brilliant tweets from some of the group including Rich’s “Name another podcasting CEO you’ve been clubbing with…”

I couldn’t recount the whole evening, but the two points that stick out in my mind are the following.

First off was me and Rich stood outside when he spotted a gentleman with some supremely bad hair. On seeing this he handed me his video camera, and said “Ian, you video me – I’m going to interview that man about his hair. This is either going to go well, or it’s going to go really, really badly…”. I have yet to see this video, but am dying to do so.

The other stand out point was the whole group dancing to something (I cant remember what), with Andrew videoing/ streaming the spectacle when some random put his arms around my shoulders and Rich’s. Rich turned to the guy and yelled into his ear the immortal words “You have no idea how famous you are right now, you’re live on the internet.”

Eventually, when we were all danced out, and we’d convinced Allison that it was home-time we staggered back to the hotel for a few hours of unconsciousness.

Breakfast at McDonalds the next morning at 10am was a much more subdued affair where I was described by Boz as being “much less tigger” than the previous evening – a description I remain supremely pleased with. Over the course of the day more and more synners left, until ‘twas just me left, waiting for a flight that ended up being delayed (again!).

So, the meetup in a nutshell; 700 miles round trip, two wicked nights out and finally meeting some really amazing people. Shane (tokenbg) said it in his post, but it’s perfect so I’m gonna steal it, the experience was just like the forums in real life, with added alcohol. I can say honestly that it was the best night out I’ve had out in the last 12 months, and that I’m going to try my damndest to get to the next one!

Sorry if I rambled on, not really used to writing but I just thought I’d try and get my experience of the meetup up here for you guys to see.

Ian / kernow1988

This post was written by Shane who you may know as TokenBG on our forums and @tokenbg on Twitter.

At roughly 4:30 pm on Saturday, I was sitting with most of the SimSynners in the lobby of the hotel we were staying at. Most of us had already been in the hotel for a while so pleasantries, hello’s & “nice to meet you’s” had been exchanged. Tim (Trekky Geek) had introduced himself to me by asking “So I guess you’re token bg?”. I pretended to be offended. After all, Tim was behaving like there wasn’t another black guy in the place? To be fair to him there wasn’t. How we laughed.

Not long after, Rich walked into the lobby, waved to everyone, and went to the bar to get himself a Guinness. All of a sudden I felt a tangible pang of nerves. I’d already spoken to most people and been made to feel nothing less than extremely welcome. But here was the boss, the Evil Emperor, the man without whom this meet-up, not to mention the past five years of podcasting entertainment would have been possible. He sat down next to Mary (Mekka), which was opposite where I was sitting. I leant forward to say hello and… Well, I guess I froze. For some reason I was unable to do what I’d did repeatedly with everyone else over the past couple of hours – say hi. By this point Mary & Rich were well into conversation themselves, so I could hardly interrupt just to say hello. “Frack frack frack” I thought, the moment’s gone. All I could do now is sip from my beer whilst internally admonishing myself.

At about 1:00 am on Sunday, the bulk of us were in a club in Leeds (The Fab Café). At one point I said to Rich, “If I ever owned a club, it’d be exactly like this one”. Rich nodded in agreement and said, “The DJ hasn’t played a song that I don’t own” (you may have noticed him tweet something similar).

So I guess I’d better tell you how I went from being unable to say hello to Mr Smith to us sharing our mutual appreciation for the Fab Café in the early hours.

By the time Rich & Allison arrived, we soon left for the Vic – that’s the pub you can see in Trekky Geek’s video on the meet-up forum thread. Unsurprisingly for a Saturday night, the pub was pretty busy and seating space was minimal. I’m not sure how but we managed to procure a space that looked like it had been reserved – and not for us. It was just as well that we managed to get it however, as more people arrived. Well I say people, I mean Will & Gloria, and then in the most pleasant surprise of the evening, in walked Craig with his girlfriend Sophie. Due to scheduling misunderstandings, it turned out that Craig was free to join us.

Initially a few of us, myself included, didn’t sit with everyone in what was now the ‘Simply Syndicated’ space. It wasn’t a case of us being deliberately unsociable but England were playing France in the Six Nations Rugby tournament so myself, Jeny & Dales found ourselves in the other corner of the pub. A bonus was that Mike Storer (from The Definitive Word fame) is also a massive Rugby Union fan so we got talking to him quite a bit. Thankfully I didn’t have any problems saying hello to him, or Craig (who had also sat with us for a bit).

By the time, the match finished – England narrowly losing, and no, I don’t want to talk about it – it was time to join the party. By now plenty of alcohol had been drunk, all of varying colours. This pub had beer that was green. Fracking green! The north of England is a weird place.
It’s difficult to single out highlights objectively, so I wont bother. I had the good fortune to be sitting in between Will & Craig, which gave Mr Bevan an opportunity to show off his new-found fame on YouTube to me (Sophie said she’d have to get him to do the housework to keep him grounded). And I also used this chance to congratulate Will on his TV debut. I say congratulate, I mean take the piss out of.

As the bell rung for last orders, Mr Tristram suggested we all head to the Fab Café as that was still open. There was no objection from anyone, as if there would be. As we left the Vic, confusion briefly reigned as some people had already started walking off but Boz wanted a group photo first, as he, Tim & Greg (The Big Lebowski) opted not to join us and go back to the hotel. We called after the group that had gone ahead of us to come back, but they didn’t hear us. This led to me having run after them to catch them up and after explaining the situation, Gloria (who I hadn’t even said hi to yet) said in no uncertain terms that everyone would have to come to them and we could take the photo there. Realising that Mohammed wasn’t going to come to the mountain, I then tailed it back to The Vic and in the end we got almost everyone in one place for the photo. Unfortunately there was the odd face missing but given the drunken state most of us were in at this stage I think it was quite impressive we managed to get as many of us as we did in one place.

Now you may think why did Boz, Tim & Greg not come along to Fab? Well to be fair they did have a long journey back but I think on some level they knew where the night was heading. You know how in disaster movies animals can always sense danger first? Well it was if they were the birds that left Pompeii and flew to Rome long before Vesuvius erupted.

As we headed to Fab, I found myself walking alongside Rich. Throughout the night words had been exchanged between us but there had been no formal introduction. All I could think of was that it was almost midnight and I still hadn’t said hello. Maybe Rich could sense this, maybe he realised that he and I had barely spoken, maybe in his drunken state he wasn’t thinking at all. Regardless, he turned to me, extended his hand and said “You’re Shane, aren’t you?” The proverbial Band-Aid had been ripped off, quick and painless. I apologised for not saying hi earlier. Rich nonchalantly shrugged and said, “That’s alright”. Now that I no longer had that to worry about, I could focus solely on having fun.

And what fun was had, I don’t think I’ve danced so much since I was at uni. Not long after getting in there I finally started chatting to Gloria. I may have made her sound somewhat uptight earlier. Well, she’s not like that in the slightest. She really seemed in her element and was sporting what can only be described as what looked like bowling shoes with heels. I guess she wants to look classy whilst knocking the pins over down the alleys (not a euphemism).

The Fab Café itself is the perfect place for a meeting of the geek minds, as cult paraphernalia adorned the walls. Star’s Wars & Trek were represented, as was Doctor Who (I made many covetous glances towards the Daleks in that place). It was a citadel of nerdery, which meant that there was little to no attitude from anyone there, making it so much easier for people to enjoy themselves. Mary acquiring/stealing a Soviet-Union style hat was a treat, especially when the owner tried to take it back from her. My personal favourite moment was when Rich, Craig & Will all gave each other a look as a particular song was played. To be honest, I didn’t recognise it, but it sounded quite 80’s. This was given credence when the aforementioned three headed to the dance floor and rolled up the sleeves on their tops, right up to their shoulders. The ‘Ralph Macchio’ look, if you will (watch ‘The Karate Kid’ if you don’t know what I mean).

But a special mention has to go to Allison. I think we know what happens when Popeye eats a can of spinach. Something similar happens to Walli after she’s been at the red wine. Apart from the odd cigarette break, I don’t think she stopped dancing until we left, and that was after 3am. Where this woman got her energy from is beyond me, and to be honest I think she could have kept dancing for longer. She was literally the last SimSynner standing.

I could go on, as there are things from the meet I haven’t yet mentioned, but I think I’ve gone on long enough. Only to add in closing, that I was always expecting to have a good time meeting everyone, but the reason I think it surpassed my expectations is because I already had met them, I just didn’t realise it. If you’ve been a part of these forums for long enough, meeting the SimSynners in person is very similar to the interaction you’ve had with them online. While there’s an initial nervousness in the introductory procedure, that disappears within about a minute. Even after taking ages to talk to Rich & Gloria, once I’d got that out of the way then there were no problems interacting with them after that. At no point was I struggling for things to talk about, indeed there’s plenty of things that I’d earmarked for conversation that I never needed to use in the end. The best way for me to sum it all up is this – It was as if the forums had come to life, with plenty of booze.

I can only hope that these meet-ups become a regular thing as apart from anything else, I think it shows Simply Syndicated in its best light. What I think SimSyn has done is give so many of us a place to share our thoughts, likes, dislikes, as well as finding solace when we go through tough times. And we’re never made to feel guilty or self-conscious about it. And that’s because it’s exactly what the podcasters of this network are like. Just like us. That’s why every single one of us had such a good time on the 20th March. Because we were around people just like us. That’s why I should never have worried about saying hello to Rich, Gloria or anyone affiliated with the greatest place on the Internet. Because they’re just like us.