‘We’re all gonna die man! Like a bunch of melon farmers!!!!!’

- Bill Paxton – Aliens (ITV pre-watershed edit)

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The food prophets cast their magic eye, check the crystal ball and consult the bones to bring you yet another cracking show!

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As we waddle into the new decade, bellies aching from too many holiday dinners and shattered promises of years gone by, Gloria and Mia take you through the world of fasting. The good and bad going via the fu*kin ridiculous!

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I caught Santa kissing the Crimes Against Food girls under the Christmas Tree. He was lured in by their exceedingly good biscuits and milk!

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We talk about what can go wrong when you eat food at weddings.

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Good Curry. No Worries.

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Gloria and Mia talk everything short, flaky and filo.

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Don’t try cooking a book, you’ll only burn the pages moron.

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The Brie shudders in the dock. Cheddar waits, cheese head in cheese hands. Gorgonzola hangs from a gibbet as the Goats Cheese takes it lashes.

Non Stick Lindh and Stainless Steele take on cheese!!!! I Camembert the tension!

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Eggs and Kodak, Hi Def Yorkshire Pudding and 16mm Cake. The girls talk Film and Food, a fat critics wet dream.

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